The Hubba Bubba Bubble Blowing Duel

My kid will never ride the bus to school.  Like ever.  The reason I’m adamant about this is because I rode the bus.  I sat in the back of the bus.  I earned most of my street credibility on the bus.  Hence, my no-bus-riding policy.  I don’t want my child going down the same path I did.

I was one of those gum chewing, bubble blowing smart mouths in the 6th grade.  My mom only let us kids chew a half a stick of Wrigley’s, so I acted out in a more obnoxious rebellious manner.  But on the bus…there were no moms.  I chewed five pieces at a time and stuck it under my bus seat when the sugar ran out.  I didn’t care.  I was a renegade with a keen eye to those less astute.   By less astute, I mean the kids who sat in the middle of the bus.  The skeptics.  The ones who wanted to sit in the back but just couldn’t commit.

There was one kid in particular.  Clark.  I’ve tried to find him on Facebook and other social media sites but found nothing.  Maybe he changed his name in the hopes that people would stop talking about that day on the bus.  The day that he challenged me to a Hubba Bubba bubble blowing duel.  No one had challenged me up to that point.  It was simply understood that I would always win.  I’m not being arrogant.  I speak truth.  I had perfected the art of blowing massive bubbles without any gum residue sticking to my nose or face and that was something to be respected.  But like I said.  Clark was less astute.

He had one of those neener-neener voices.  That’s how I knew it was him.

“I bet I can blow a bigger bubble than YEW can, girl.”

I was nearly to my seat before I was able to fully process his slander.  So I turned to face him, slow like.

“I’m sorry, did you say something?  Boy?”

He then proceeded to cram a whole pack of Hubba Bubba into his mealy mouth.  He seemed agitated.  I deftly noted this and smirked on the inside.  He probably hadn’t slept at all the night before because he was too busy practicing his fighting words.  I made sure that he knew I was only chewing three pieces of gum.  I didn’t need a whole pack to do business.  He told me I could go first.  I told him I  was going to go first anyway.

Now if you were a gum chewer in the early 80’s, you would remember the Hubba Bubba television commercial featuring a John Wayne looking fella being challenged by a Snidely Whiplash looking ne’er-do-well.  Obviously John Wayne wins.

So I went into position.  Knees slightly bent, fingers all twitchy above an invisible gun belt.  And I blew.  Oh the majesty of that bubble.  Clark could clearly see he was in over his head.  So like a good grasshoppah, he copied my moves.  He blew.  I waited until the bubble was big enough to give him hope before removing the gum from my mouth and sticking it into his bubble.

No fair, no fair!  That’s what he said.  Psht.  That’s what he got for riding the bus.