Tag Archives: food

Cronut Crack

9 Feb

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I screwed up.  I screwed up bad, yo.  Yesterday I slithered through the Dunkin Donuts drive-thru for an iced coffee and saw that they had croissant donuts on the menu.  So I was like, “Don’t mind if I do!”  And I did.  Oh did I ever.  I know, I know.  I’m a little late to the party.  I mean, they’ve been around for what….4 years now?

Now ya’ll know I make fake pastries and sell them on the internets…so I was already aware of Dominique Ansel’s Bakery in New York.  (I try to use real food as inspiration.)  But somehow I totally missed the fact that he’s the one who actually invented the Cronut.  I vaguely remember seeing something on the Today Show about long lines trying to get some donut hybrid thing, but I didn’t pay much attention.  I don’t do chatty early morning talk shows. Also, I try to stay away from fads until they are no longer fads.

But I’m here to tell you right now this very moment that I am unequivocally addicted to the Dunkin Donut Boston Kreme Croissant Donut like a squirrel on smack.  This morning I went creeping up in there like a Ninja.  They totally remembered me.  I’m like that crackhead that circles around the block and comes back trying to act like he someone else.  Only I’m not someone else.  I’m just an aging woman with a bad back and no shame.

My kid can never find out about this.  Like ever.

 

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4th Grade Lunch Bag Countdown: 21 More Days

21 Apr

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17 Feb

60 61 62 63

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Fortune Cookies: The Guilt Factor

5 Sep

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My friends and I recently had a conversation about fortune cookies and their impact on our fragile emotions.  Some of us took the fortunes seriously.  Others laughed them off as hogwash and tomfoolery.  A few sank into a puddle of depression because their last four cookies were fortune-less.  It was then suggested that I should look into becoming a fortune writer for a fortune cookie company to supplement my income…apparently because I have the uncanny ability to build you up one minute, then tear you down the next.

Here’s my top 25.  It’s still a work in progress.

1) General Failure will read your hard disk soon.

2)  You will die alone and poorly dressed.

3)  Now is the time to make circles with mints.  Make haste!

4)  The end is near…and it’s all YOUR fault.

5)  Help!  I’m being held hostage in a Chinese bakery!

6)  Never tease an armed midget with a high five.

7)  The rubber bands are headed in your direction.

8)  People Google you and laugh.

9)  I stole your husband on Craig’s List.

10)  Hope you enjoyed the meow meow chicken.

11)  The monkeys see you.  They see everything.

12)  All of your hard work will never pay off.

13)  You are boring to talk to.

14)  You have the face of a near sighted rodeo clown.

15)  You will attend a party where strange customs prevail.

16)  Don’t be a cold fish.

17)  Yes.  Everyone is laughing AT you.

18)  The Chinese food you just ate actually came off the back of a truck from Jersey.

19)  You will eat many oysters but never get the pearl.

20)  Don’t fry bacon naked.

21)  Your colon will self destruct in 5..4..3..

22)  Forgive your enemies…but remember their name, address, phone number and drug use history.

23)  Going to church, teaching Sunday school and wearing skirts ‘n pantyhose doesn’t make you a christian.

24)  Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

25)  Stupid looks fabulous on you.

Artsy Fartsy Kiddie Snacks

17 Aug

So I was over at ‘People I Want To Punch In the Throat‘, laughing at their post about over-achieving moms.  Yeah, screw that Shelf Elf!  Also your extravagant Valentine cards are stupid.  Then I realized they were talking about me.  Because these were MY kid’s Valentine cards.  That’s right.  Personalized.  By hand.

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In my defense, I can’t help myself.  Seriously.  I can’t.  I’ve tried and it’s physically impossible.  But I’m thinking the term “Over-Achiever” is getting a bad rap.  All in the world it means is that you do something that is better than people expected it to be.  Also, let me be firm in saying I’m not one of those moms who find it exhilarating to compete with other moms.  I can’t stand that mess.  I do what I do because I love my kid.  And she knows that.  I think.  She’d better.

At any rate, check out these little snacky pieces of art here.  And no, I will NOT be making any of these.  I’ll put some marshmallows on a skewer.

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Grilled Cheese Roll Ups

14 Aug

So I was tooling around over on Pinterest and I began to see a rolling theme.  Rolled grilled cheese, french toast, blueberry cakey thingies….all things edible, rolled up into a tube ‘o joy.  (You can check out my Pinterest Board suitably named “They See Me Rollin’…”)

So.  I decided to try the grilled cheese roll ups.  I figured I’d have a lower percentage rate of having a Pinterest Fail on my hands.  Also, I did a tutorial.  Because there’s nothing more presumptuous than a tutorial.

 

  1.  Start out with a few slices of super soft bread.  Cut the crusts off.  You can use a knife…scissors.  Just remove the crusts.rollup
  2. Then you take a rolling pin and flatten them out.

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3.  Place one slice of cheese on each slice of bread.  I really shouldn’t have to tell you this.

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4.  Then roll them up.  I had to use a wee bit of water to seal the edges.  But you may not have to do that if you have magic hands.

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5.  Melt some butter in a pan.  I used real butter.  Don’t judge me.

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6.  Put your rolls ups in the melted butter and roll them around until all sides are browned.

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7.  Drain them on a paper towel.  Or not.  Then serve.

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3rd Grade Lunch Bag Countdown: 27 More Days

9 Apr

27

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3rd Grade Lunch Bag Countdown: 30 More Days!

6 Apr

30

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3rd Grade Lunch Bag Countdown: 32 More Days

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