Holidays + Depression = Screw You Santa

4 Dec

stress gmen


I wasn’t going to say anything.  But then I was like, “Screw it.”  I’m Depressed.  Not depressed…Depressed.  With a capital “D”.  The clinical kind that requires a lifetime of meds and cognitive behavioral therapy.  Sometimes I’m scared to say that out loud.  Which is why I limit my social involvement.  Not everyone understands the logistics of mental health.  I live in the south, so you can just imagine what I hear.  Instead of “Snap out of it”, it’s more like, “Hunny sugar plum, bless your messed up little black-as-dirt heart!  You need to perk on up, get dressed and  be charming!”

Now.  Those who share my struggle can understand my less-than-enthused response to such suggestions.  It’s a good thing I have a sense of humor and have learned to bite my tongue until blood drips off my chin.  It’s also a good thing that my spouse has the good sense to remind me it’s not a good idea to visit the Mall.  There’s a slight possibility I might shake a fist at the Mall elves which may be witnessed by a church member who will promptly put me on the prayer chain for less-than-stellar public behavior.

It’s also a good thing that I have an awesome doctor who appreciates my slouching and eyeball rolling as she runs through the check-list of preventative tips and whatnot. It’s probably a good thing she can’t hear the snide running commentary that’s taking place in my head, even though I know she’s right.


1)  Expect the worst.  Seriously?  I totally already do!  Which is why I don’t answer my phone or go outside.

2)  Beef up your support.  Yes, I have a hidden stash of excessive carbs.

3)  Avoid toxic people.  Does “everyone” count?

4)  Know thyself.  I know I’m going to have a negative reaction when you tell me how much my copay has increased.

5)  Travel with polyester instead of linen.  By that I mean lower your standards.  Check.  I haven’t bathed in three days.

6)  Make your own traditions.  Like maybe visit your family during the summer.  I love this doctor!  

7)  Remember the choice is yours.  You can see the sun or bask in the darkness.  Your choice.  How ’bout you see how many more times you can say choice?

8)  Above all, laugh.  Oh I’m laughing.  Laughing at that snag in your pantyhose and your stupid list of totally unreasonable suggestions.


6 Responses to “Holidays + Depression = Screw You Santa”

  1. Grant L. Jackson December 4, 2013 at 9:46 am #

    I loved Christmas as a kid. However, as an adult, the holiday season has become almost intolerable.
    * The sky gray.
    * It’s cold.
    * Income is down.
    * Expenses are up.
    * Why do I “owe” you a present again?
    * I haven’t heard from you in 12 months but now I’m supposed to be nice to you? Go away.
    * The sky is gray.


  2. Michael Cargill December 4, 2013 at 10:26 am #

    Sorry to hear it’s back, April. Christmas is probably the worst time for it to flare up.

    The fact that you decided to go ahead and post this post is probably for the best. There’s a huge number of people with mental health problems that have found blogging about their problems to be very cathartic.

    So go ahead and blog if it helps.


  3. amonikabyanyuvva December 4, 2013 at 10:40 am #

    April- how you managed to make a fellow depressive laugh is a measure of how good your writing is. I have a melancholy that never disappears, despite consuming prescription drugs and leading a relatively comfortable existence. I am in the count that Herman Hesse so eloquently described as one of the ‘suicides’ – we may not do it, but the nature is still there.


    • April Trice December 4, 2013 at 1:36 pm #

      Dear Fellow Depressive:
      I toast you with this here Wellbutrin and Pedialite!


  4. quirkykitty December 5, 2013 at 2:34 am #

    thank you for posting this. i don’t usually go for that you’re-not-alone crap but, being surrounded by people who just don’t get it, this was nice to read…
    hang in there.


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