Tissue Paper Pom Poms

4 Sep

Okay…let me just get this out of the way.  My poms look nothing like that crazy Martha Stewart’s poms.  I think she ironed her tissue paper then had some anal retentive person suffering from obsessive compulsive disorder come make the thing.

I had a half-naked kid squirting glitter glue on me while I was trying to whip this thing up.  It sorta resembles the crappy pom-poms they put in those cheap cheerleader costume packs at K-Mart for $5.99.

Anyway…here’s my whack tutorial. (You can find the immaculate tutorial HERE.)

1)  Root around in your closet, basement, attic, under the bed…wherever it is you stash your gift-giving paraphernalia.

2)  Stack about 8 sheets and fold them accordian-style:

3)  Cut each end into a rounded or pointed shape (not pictured).

4)  Fold some twine, string…whatever works…in the middle:

5)  I used floral tape to cover the barbed wire I used in step 4:

6)  Separate the layers, pulling them up from the center one at a time.  Martha says it will look just like this…and if it does NOT, then you’re an incompetent wretch who doesn’t deserve to live:

7)  Good for you if yours turns out looking just like this.  Maybe mine didn’t turn out so well because I used 30 sheets of tissue paper instead of the instructed 8.  I don’t care….I’m a renegade:

8)  To make yourself feel better about not meeting Martha’s rigid standards, I suggest you dress your kid up like a homeless gypsy and make her hold your creation like it’s the most breath-taking piece of foliage she ever did see:

9)  To save your kid future embarrassment, take some fluffy pics too…so she won’t feel like an under-paid marketing tool.

10)  Eventually she’ll get fed up and tell you you’re a freak.  Try to get one more good pic in while she’s cooperating.


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