Abercrombie Hates Fat People

11 May

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A couple of years ago I wrote an article blasting Abercrombie & Hooch Fitch for designing a skimpy bikini for anorexic 8 year olds.  Now I’m back blasting them again.  I was sitting here this fine Saturday morning, enjoying my coffee…when Spouse says, “Hey. Did you hear about that Abercrombie jerk saying he hated fat chicks and he had army militants guarding their stores to keep them out?”

Spouse likes to exaggerate news headlines to ensure I’ll go look the stuff up…which will propel me into a frenzy.  And this frenzy will lead to me yelling, “Oh no he didn’t!” , which is usually followed by furious writing.  This frees up his morning to watch ESPN without interruption.  I act like I’m ignorant to his Master Plan but I’m totally on to him.

Back to the news.  Abercrombie’s CEO, Mike Jeffries, hates fat chicks.  And by fat I mean anyone who can’t fit into a size 10 that runs 2 sizes too small.  Seriously.  And I quote:

“We go after the attractive all-American kid with a great attitude and a lot of friends,” Jeffries said. “A lot of people don’t belong [in our clothes], and they can’t belong. Are we exclusionary? Absolutely.”

You know what this makes me want to do, right?  Oh c’mon. You know….put on my sundress from Walgreens, my Crocs and my fabulous fanny-pack and trot my fine hiney all UP into Abercrombie and immediately accost the first embryo size chick I find and start snapping my hands all in her face like, “Oh what.  You think I’m fat?  Huh?  You been walking around with your bow legged little self talking about how I’m FAT?  Oh, I got your fat right here (patting my fanny-pack).  You don’t know me!  So you BEST keep my name out yo mouf or I’ll be all back up in this place next week and I might just buy something and make you watch the horrific trainwreck that will be me in a size 10 pair of low-to-the-flo risers.  Also, this will something that will burn your retinas and make you twitch slightly for the rest of the your natural born life.”

On a side note, is it me or does Mike Jeffries look like that chick who got maimed in some back alley doctor’s office?

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6 Responses to “Abercrombie Hates Fat People”

  1. Michael Cargill May 11, 2013 at 11:04 am #

    He does, ya know.

    And I quite like Walgreens.

    Like

  2. therealgirlfriday May 11, 2013 at 12:39 pm #

    I went into a Forever 21 store with my niece once. She and I started wandering separately, and a sales clerk actually came over to me all Attitudy Judy, and told me flat out that they didn’t stock clothing in my size. I gave her the Darth Vader stare as my niece came out of the dressing room in one of their frocks, looking like an adorable little hooker, and SHE proceeded to dress down the clerk that her Aunt was taking her on a shopping spree and to please kindly shut her cake hole. I think Attitudy Judy simultaneously mini-peed and mini-puked at the same time. She may have even left a tootsie roll in her size zero pants. My niece put on her preppy t-shirt and khakis and we left. She has never wandered into the likes of those stores ever again and she still brings it up once in awhile. I’m pretty sure I will never have to worry about her wearing the latest trend of Hipster Hooker clothing ever again!

    Like

    • April Trice May 11, 2013 at 2:25 pm #

      Girl, you so crazy!

      Like

      • therealgirlfriday May 11, 2013 at 2:35 pm #

        The day will come when Cali thinks a tank top is a dress. It is horrifying and there is almost nothing you can do to convince them otherwise.

        Like

      • April Trice May 11, 2013 at 9:45 pm #

        Dude, she doesn’t even wear clothes around the house. I shudder to think what her fashion tastes will be in a couple of years.

        Like

  3. TankGirl July 4, 2013 at 7:36 pm #

    I’ve been at 95 pounds in size 00 and also 179 pounds in size 16 that were tight. Honestly both ends suck. I’m now 140 (at 5’3″). I still have some meat on my bones and I sure as heck can’t hide these curves. But so what. I actually LIKE my curves. Besides,men want meat..bones are for dogs. And yes that Abercrombie guy has had some major plastic surgery. And is still butt ugly 🙂

    Like

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