Mr.Migrain vs. Ms. Menstrual

5 Feb

HEAR YE, HEAR YE!

CONSUMER REPORT ALERT OF SCAMMISH PROPORTIONS!

There’s nothing worse than a hardcore migraine.  When it descends, you fall out on the floor like they do in those snake-handlin’ churches.  You shut all the lights off, screaming in pain…talking about how anyone who pesters you is going to die.  And it’ll be fast.

Why, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say that sure sounds an awful lot like PMS, eh?  It’s like they’re twins of the identical order.  It took me a minute, but I figured it out.  Excedrin with their pompous selves…taking us for a bunch of mentally challenged yard apes.

Let me break it down for you.  I’d show you pictures, but I threw away my migraine bottle after buying the menstrual bottle.  Yes.  I’m a sucka.  At any rate….here are the active ingredients for both products:

 

EXCEDRIN MIGRAIN (Active Ingredients)

* Acetaminophin – 250 mg.  Pain Reliever

* Aspirin (NSAID) – 250 mg. Pain Reliever

* Caffeine – 65 mg. Pain Reliever Aid

 

EXCEDRIN MENSTRUAL COMPLETE (Active Ingredients)

* Acetaminophin – 250 mg.  Pain Reliever

* Aspirin (NSAID) – 250 mg. Pain Reliever

* Caffeine – 65 mg. Diuretic

 

Now, you see there?  See how slippery they were with their verbage?  It all boils down to one word: DIURETIC.  A woman sees that and says, “I’m bout sick of feeling like a beached ‘n bloated dead whale in June and being a slave to the calendar!  Oh thank goodness for Excedrin Menstrual Complete and it’s diuretic properties!”  A woman will say that right out loud in the store.  Then another woman will hear her cries of rapture and drop her canned ham and rush to the pain relief aisle, snatching up all that’s left of the miraculous Excedrin Menstrual Complete….for $8 a pop.  (The ‘Migraine’ version is around $4.)  Because women with raging PMS are greedy and ruthless.

Then there’ll be that one woman who wasn’t quick enough.  She’ll be standing there all dejected with her lip quivering, talking about, “Why is it I’m always last in line?  Now what am I going to do?  I can’t go home without that Excedrin Menstrual Complete.”

As she turns to leave the aisle, she trips over a bottle of Excedrin Migraine and kicks it clear to bedding & bath  because she’s angry now.  And only hard liquor and vanilla wafers will fix this kind of angry.

So there you have it people.  Be ye not scammed no more!  We must rise up as united consumers and prove that we’re smarter than a caveman!  Let’s do it!

Now here’s a word from our sponsor.

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