I Blasphemed.

19 Apr

When my brain is sluggish, I occasionally use writing prompts to help me write.  My brain is sluggish this morning.  So the prompt was this:

Have you ever written your own music or song lyrics?

Why, yes.  Yes I have.

I grew up playing the piano and singing.  I pretty much stopped doing both in my late 20’s.  I still sing in my car but no more audiences.  No more recitals, offertories and alter calls.  Truth be told, I always wanted to play the drums.  The only chance I got was when I played with The Brown Family when I was around 11 years old.  I still totally air-drum when no one is around.  Now I see my daughter with pencils and paintbrushes, banging on walls and counter tops in perfect rhythm to any type of music.  Yeah, that’s right.  Santa is bringing a drum set.

Anyway, back to my blaspheming ways.  I can’t remember how old I was.  A teenager I think.  We were visiting my Aunt’s church and I was asked to play the offertory.  That’s why I didn’t want people knowing about my piano and voice prowess.  Then they’d ask me to do things like get up in front of strange crowds and try not to act awkward and insecure.  Screw that.

So I was like, “Yeah.  I’ll play your little offertory.  And it’ll go a little something like THIS.”  I then commenced to playing a song that the congregation assumed was straight from a godly hymnal of song and praise.  I was into it too.  Like a pianist for a televised Baptist preacher who used Murray Hair Dressing.  I made sure there was a look of anguish on my face followed by lifting my eyes to the heavens in praise for having my sins washed away by the blood of the lamb.  After a minute or two, people in the crowd start nodding their heads and saying “Amen!”  and “Isn’t God great?!” and “Play it for Jesus, sister!”

Dude, I totally made the whole song up.  I’m talking fly by the seat of my pants, no sheet music.  Just me, my fingers, a piano and a gullible congregation.  When I was done playing I went and sat in my pew with my Mom…who leaned over and said, “What song was THAT??”

I just shrugged and said, “I dunno.  I totally made it up.”

But on the inside and I was standing up, jumping around like Rocky, talkin about “Suckas for Jesus!!”

(Lord, forgive me and I pray for the starving pygmies down in New Guinea.)


One Response to “I Blasphemed.”

  1. Michael Cargill April 19, 2012 at 11:13 am #

    That’s not blasphemy, that’s a great performance!


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