I Resolve To Be Resolved

31 Dec

I will:

*  Help kids stay safe by not texting on my cell phone while eating McDonald’s and speeding through crosswalks in school zones with a frost covered windshield.

*  I will find out why the correspondence course on “Mail Fraud” that I purchased never showed up.

* I will do less laundry and use more deodorant.

*  I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I’m not a clock watcher.

*  I will be more diligent in rooting out the hidden sugar packets in my kid’s bedroom.

*  I’ll try not to let my kid hear me curse when cleaning out HER cat’s litter box.

*  I’ll try to cut back on lying to my kid about what bad things might happen to her if she leaves the yard.

*  I’ll stop judging those who don’t celebrate National Aardvark Week.

*  I’ll try to have more faith in my husband’s ability to make household repairs without maiming or injuring himself.

*  I will require that my kid ingest her daily vitamin in front on me and be subjected to a Mental Hospital Tongue-Mouth-Throat check.

*  I will find a sneaky way to wear my circulation socks up under my skinny jeans to prevent the development of unslightly vericose veins.

*  I’ll make an effort to answer my phone more often.

*  Eat more roughage.

*  Wear Spanx without feeling the guilt.

*  Figure out how the homeless man who stands at the corner of 1st and 3rd found out my first name.

*  I’ll try not to spend every Friday night snuggled up to the police scanner with my knitting and a cup of coffee.

…….and lastly……

*  Try to find a positive way to inform my daughter that the rising cost of chicken, beef and pork has left us with no choice but to dig through dumpsters for our dietary needs.

 

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9 Responses to “I Resolve To Be Resolved”

  1. Michael Cargill December 31, 2011 at 2:22 pm #

    That sugar packet thing Cali does is hilarious.

    Like

    • April Trice December 31, 2011 at 5:05 pm #

      Let’s just hope I’m not looking for crack baggies in a few years.

      Like

  2. For Better GENiUS December 31, 2011 at 3:13 pm #

    why police scanner? either you’re treating it like the old radio days where kids would circle around it and listen as the adventure unfolds or you’re wayyyyy too paranoid about something happening near you

    Like

    • April Trice December 31, 2011 at 5:05 pm #

      I think it’s a whack combo of paranoia, boredom and nosiness.

      Like

  3. therealgirlfriday December 31, 2011 at 8:37 pm #

    $5 says that if you do indeed try to convince her that meat is too expensive to buy – she will then inform you that sugar packets are FREE at any numerable public places – no dumpster diving neccessary.

    Like

    • therealgirlfriday December 31, 2011 at 8:38 pm #

      Any numerable? I can’t believe I typed that. Good Lord.

      Like

      • April Trice December 31, 2011 at 11:33 pm #

        You totally said numerable. Out loud. But who cares, right? The world is gonna end in less than 30 minutes.

        Like

  4. Kate January 2, 2012 at 11:48 am #

    I resolve to join you with the Aardvark promise, and also was very guilty of deo issues in 2011.

    (whispers: I had to wear AX for a week while traveling at xmas. Eww!)

    Like

  5. marisakquijano January 13, 2012 at 9:29 am #

    Goodness you are hilariousness!!!! haha!!!

    Like

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