Mr. Migraine vs. Ms. Menstrual

16 Nov

HEAR YE, HEAR YE!

CONSUMER REPORT ALERT OF SCAMMISH PROPORTIONS!

There’s nothing worse than a hardcore migraine.  When it descends, you fall out on the floor like they do in those snake-handlin’ churches.  You shut all the lights off, screaming in pain…talking about how anyone who pesters you is going to die.  And it’ll be fast.

Why, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say that sure sounds an awful lot like PMS, eh?  It’s like they’re twins of the identical order.  It took me a minute, but I figured it out.  Excedrin with their pompous selves…taking us for a bunch of mentally challenged yard apes.

Let me break it down for you.  I’d show you pictures, but I threw away my migraine bottle after buying the menstrual bottle.  Yes.  I’m a sucka.  At any rate….here are the active ingredients for both products:

EXCEDRIN MIGRAIN (Active Ingredients)

* Acetaminophin – 250 mg.  Pain Reliever

* Aspirin (NSAID) – 250 mg. Pain Reliever

* Caffeine – 65 mg. Pain Reliever Aid

EXCEDRIN MENSTRUAL COMPLETE (Active Ingredients)

* Acetaminophin – 250 mg.  Pain Reliever

* Aspirin (NSAID) – 250 mg. Pain Reliever

* Caffeine – 65 mg. Diuretic

Now, you see there?  See how slippery they were with their verbage?  It all boils down to one word: DIURETIC.  A woman sees that and says, “I’m bout sick of feeling like a beached ‘n bloated dead whale in June and being a slave to the calendar!  Oh thank goodness for Excedrin Menstrual Complete and it’s diuretic properties!”  A woman will say that right out loud in the store.  Then another woman will hear her cries of rapture and drop her canned ham and rush to the pain relief aisle, snatching up all that’s left of the miraculous Excedrin Menstrual Complete….for $8 a pop.  (The ‘Migraine’ version is around $4.)  Because women with raging PMS are greedy and ruthless.

Then there’ll be that one woman who wasn’t quick enough.  She’ll be standing there all dejected with her lip quivering, talking about, “Why is it I’m always last in line?  Now what am I going to do?  I can’t go home without that Excedrin Menstrual Complete.”

As she turns to leave the aisle, she trips over a bottle of Excedrin Migraine and kicks it clear to bedding & bath  because she’s angry now and hard liquor and vanilla wafers are the only things that can fix this type of angry.

So there you have it people.  Be ye not scammed no more!  We must rise up as united consumers and prove that we’re smarter than a caveman!  Let’s do it!

Now here’s a word from our sponsor.

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18 Responses to “Mr. Migraine vs. Ms. Menstrual”

  1. Darlene Steelman November 16, 2011 at 7:07 pm #

    I found this out a while ago thanks to my dear mother. She told me the story about how all the Excedrin’s are exactly the same (except the Aspirin Free one). I told her “no way.”

    Then I stood in the aisle at the CVS and read the backs of the boxes…. Bastards! I can take Excedrin Sinus for my cramps and Excedrin Migraine for my tension headache.

    I hope many people read your blog so they may be informed! I will be sharing this post on Twitter and Facebook.

    Darlene

    Like

    • April Trice November 16, 2011 at 7:45 pm #

      Thanks, Darlene! Consumers unite!

      Like

    • Michael Cargill November 16, 2011 at 8:18 pm #

      Yay Mother!

      What is a CVS?

      Like

      • April Trice November 16, 2011 at 10:34 pm #

        CVS is a drugstore. A place to go buy prescription meds and other various sundries. Yes. I said ‘sundries’.

        Like

      • Michael Cargill November 17, 2011 at 12:21 am #

        I bet you say ‘condiments’ as well.

        Like

      • April Trice November 17, 2011 at 12:48 am #

        I’m neither confirming or denying that accusation.

        Like

  2. Rob Rubin November 16, 2011 at 7:31 pm #

    Wow, you know I suffer from migraines but never thought of it like PMS. I guess I really do need to leave my wife the hell alone when it’s her time of the month.

    Rob
    http://www.themainland.net

    Like

  3. Michael Cargill November 16, 2011 at 7:32 pm #

    I suffer from neither. I cannot really say much more about this. I feel awkward.

    Bye.

    Like

    • April Trice November 16, 2011 at 7:44 pm #

      Are you blushing, Sir Cargill?

      Like

  4. squirrel circus November 17, 2011 at 12:07 am #

    I like to make my own remedies in the surburban equivalent of a meth lab — just kidding — it’s my medicine cabinet. Can’t sleep? Forget the Tylenol PM. Grab the Tylenol and Benadryl — sweet dreams. Need Excedrin? Have a Diet Coke and about three Tylenol. DONE.

    Like

    • April Trice November 17, 2011 at 12:48 am #

      You’re like Danger Squirrel. With a cape and boots and a wand.

      Like

      • squirrel circus November 17, 2011 at 9:23 pm #

        My cape is blowing in the wind behind me as I type this. I think I may start asking friends to call me Danger Squirrel. HA!

        Like

  5. A Morning Grouch November 17, 2011 at 3:30 am #

    Marketing! They probably don’t count on us silly girls READING the label! We just make emotional decisions, not logical ones, right?!

    p.s. love the old school ads – I have a dream of some day printing/framing some of the good ones for my bathrooms.

    Like

  6. angrymiddleagewoman November 17, 2011 at 3:56 am #

    Poor Betty – that’s some powerful Midol if it can change her THAT much. All she wanted was relief from “periodic pain.” Sorry – I was distracted by the ads – I’ve given up on name brand meds. Cheap store brand only! And I always secretly thought that Excedrin was in league with the devil. Now I know . . .

    Like

    • April Trice November 17, 2011 at 6:02 am #

      AND it causes some stomach and intestinal bleeding. I say we all chew on some ginger root and do yoga!

      Like

  7. mamaschinsky November 17, 2011 at 8:58 am #

    Bastards!!! Glad I don’t use either of them, I guess. Thanks for the information! I’ll definitely be paying closer attention to medicine labels from now on.

    Like

  8. hillbillyzen13 November 17, 2011 at 9:48 pm #

    Omg you outed Betty. The fact that you also outed Excedrin makes up for it, I guess. I’m grieved by their duplicity, as Excedrin (Extra Strength, because I’m a tough little hillbilly) and coffee usually comprise my breakfast. Excedrin qualifies as solid food, right? Course it does. Fortunately I’m well past all that PMS stuff, now fully involved in the festivities of menopause, so I’ve graduated to Valiums the size of frisbees. Good times. Thanks for the laughs, April chick.

    Like

  9. Sentimental Asylum November 18, 2011 at 6:16 am #

    They made the period pain ones more expensive? That’s really shitty of them. They should be attacked by a mob of women on their menstrual cycles. That’ll teach ’em to mess with us. Pricks.

    Like

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