Why I Steal Ink Pens

11 Nov

Even under hypnosis, my shrink was unable to root out the origins of  my crippling vice: Ink Pen Thieving.

Yes.  I used caps because they are THAT important to me.  I think I  was around four when the swiping began.  Pens, pencils, glue, tape….if  it was office/school supply related, then it was coming home with me.   There for a couple of years, I entertained the idea of being a teacher.   But then my personal Jiminy Cricket starting hissing things like,  “You’ll be fired within the first week for theft and evasion.”

Couldn’t argue with that one.  I remember in the 4th grade, I was  asked to go fetch something out of the school supply closet.  Not the  little cabinet in the classroom.  I’m talking the ROOM.  With shelves  and buckets full of writing instruments and shiny gem clips.

That’s when I knew something was a tad off.  What clued me in was  the shaking and rubber knees.  I was like a crack-head who’d found an 8  pound rock in the alley behind the A&P.  My teacher was convinced  I’d become a hard-core glue sniffer and pinned a note to my back so my  parents would know what kind of a hot mess they had on their hands.

In my youth, I swiped pens with abandon…not caring about their  quality or fit.  I was so childish then.  So greedy.  NOW, I’m very  particular about the pens I steal.  They have to write perfectly…no  ink-clots.  I prefer a very thin point…but not too thin, as to bend  upon pressure.

I’m currently kicking it with the Sharpies that don’t bleed through  the paper.  I have approximately 50 of them.  All the same color.   Black.  Most writers these days type up their junk.  I personally like  to write by hand.  So I may switch pens 25 times during a single writing  session.  I am so dedicated to my vice that I’ve developed a freak-bump  on my middle finger from aggressive pen pushing.

I’ve just recently realized that my vice has taken me deep into the  bowels of the dark side.  Hence the hypnosis session.  After coming out  from under the spell, I could tell my therapist was disturbed by the way  she hustled me out of there, forgetting to hand over my ADHD med  prescription.  On my way out, I stopped at the front desk to make my  co-pay and complain of the rising prices of meds.

The receptionist at the Mental Health Clinic has a tough  job…dealing with “us” for 8 hours a day.  And you can tell she’s not a  consumer by the confused look on her face.  Anyway, I wrote out my  check and felt myself becoming titillated by the sultry sway of the pen  tip.  Without hesitation, I pointed to the sky excitedly and said,  “Lookit!”  She whipped around to see what was the matter, and it was in  this 4 second purgatory that I made that hussy pen my very own.

I didn’t wait for the receipt.  As I walked out, I heard her patting  herself all over, muttering, “Where did I put my pen?  I just had it.”   She should know better than to leave an unchained writing device laying  around with a bunch of bored and depressed kleptomaniacs roaming the  room.

When I got to my car, Jiminy smacked my butt like an NFL football player and congratulated me on my successful score.

“Aw, that was tight, yo!”

I know this, Cricket.  I know this.

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332 Responses to “Why I Steal Ink Pens”

  1. Rae November 11, 2011 at 11:52 pm #

    I once got kind of aggressive with a guy who was in our office working on our phone system and had wandered by desk and stole my Sharpie pen. No one steals my Sharpies! No one!

    Like

    • rubysongbird November 13, 2011 at 4:26 am #

      This is a great post! Must be a lot of us freaky pen-users out here… Always thought I was the ONLY ONE with a writing bump on my finger. Glad to know I’m not alone! I’m a little possessive of my pens and always hesitate before allowing someone to borrow one… I know that seems nuts but it looks like I’m in good company here 🙂

      Like

  2. Mikalee Byerman November 11, 2011 at 11:54 pm #

    As a writer by passion and profession, I can SO relate.

    And I can also relate to that AWESOME cricket on the shoulder. He does rock.

    I think the thing with pens is symbolic. You’re a writer, therefore you hoard the tool that helps you translate your thoughts into words on paper.

    Either that, or we’re both just totally, stark-raving, bat-sh*t crazy!

    Fun post. Thanks for making me feel not so alone. Hi, I’m Mikalee, and I steal ink pens, too…

    😉

    Like

  3. sportstalkwithkevin November 11, 2011 at 11:58 pm #

    are you seriously a pen thief ? your a dummy, a pen is a very cheap thing why dont you start stealing money like a real thief. if im mising my pen im coming for you

    Like

  4. kimberxinspace7 November 12, 2011 at 12:02 am #

    Once in middle school, a boy stole like, 25 of my prized gel-pens (all different colors, shapes and sizes)

    I was pretty heartbroken, but more pissed off, because I was gullible he said he’d give me $20 for them haha.

    Great post.

    Like

  5. Claire Fischer November 12, 2011 at 12:02 am #

    lol, wow that’s hilarious!!!!!

    Like

  6. Kato McKracken November 12, 2011 at 12:15 am #

    This is great. I thought I was the only one!! I love pens. The only ones I will use are black Pilot G2-07s, and blue Pilot Extra Fine Precise V5s. I also love to write everything by hand, and as a result I have the dry, bulging middle finger bump. Ah, this made me so happy. Thanks for the post, and congrats on being Freshly Pressed- you deserve it!

    Like

    • Peter Purdie November 12, 2011 at 5:35 pm #

      I’ve never used a Sharpie, I’ve had a few Pilots but now I only ever use a black uni-ball eye fine (mitsubishi pencil co.) – I don’t know if you can get these on your side of the atlantic but they are oh so good

      Like

  7. mzklever November 12, 2011 at 12:24 am #

    I am also a thief of writing instruments. There’s nothing quite like a smooth roller gel with a fine tip…it’s orgasmic. Love it!

    Like

  8. poetsthoughts November 12, 2011 at 12:26 am #

    I, too, have a freak-bump on my middle finger from excessive writing. Haha just saying. 😛

    Liked by 1 person

    • mamaschinsky November 14, 2011 at 11:06 pm #

      I have a weird one on my middle finger, and also one on my ring finger, where the pen sits. I’ve been writing like crazy since I was eleven!! I actually love it…the mark of an avid writer 🙂

      Like

  9. DoF@theinfill November 12, 2011 at 12:28 am #

    What is this thing with stationery? I can remember taking some of my daughters friends (when they were aged 12 years old) around the stationery dept of local stores and they would actually drool. You specialise in ink pens, me it was note pads and, for some reason, anything that will store stationery – but not those silly pots for popping pens in.
    (And oh, I also had a thing with fishing tackle boxes with all those sorting trays)

    Like

    • April Trice November 12, 2011 at 12:31 am #

      AWWW! I totally have a thing for fishing tackle boxes and Caboodles. We’re weird. We should start a club. Weirdos Out ‘n Proud. UNITE!

      Like

  10. Anonymous November 12, 2011 at 12:35 am #

    Hi, my name is susanna and i am a pen and paper addict!

    Like

    • April Trice November 12, 2011 at 12:36 am #

      Hi, Susanna. Welcome. You’re in a safe place now.

      Like

  11. Sloth November 12, 2011 at 12:44 am #

    I’m not so much a pen stealer, but I do firmly believe in having a “good pen” that writes better than all of your other ones. Great post!

    Like

  12. TDioubate November 12, 2011 at 12:54 am #

    omg I can so relate. I love pens, but not enough to steal them, I let the owners keep them and I go buy my own, has to be fine-tip and feel good in the hand then I’ll buy em in bunches.
    No, for me it was paper. In grade school we had shelves of stacks of paper, all cut to different sizes, you remember the papers that had super-sized lines and the empty space on the top half? For those of us just learning to write and make art. We could make our own books out of those pages, big, small, show em off to mom and dad. omg how i loved that paper, I’d run off with stacks of it and I could just feel all the stories waiting to be told. I hope my grade-school teachers have forgiven me my thefts by now…

    Like

  13. NeverLanding November 12, 2011 at 12:58 am #

    I get excited about office supplies even without knowing what I’m going to do with them. I’m more of a blank notebook kind of person though. I feel like I could just put a notebook circle around myself sometimes and never leave. There’s just something calming and giddy about all the possibilities they hold. 🙂

    Like

  14. the child left behind November 12, 2011 at 1:00 am #

    no bleed sharpies … I drool over them! I have them in every color, and 15 just in purple. I also enjoy the old BIC felt tip pens with the little white star in the top of their caps. 7as a child I would use the pen to color them, and then stamp my skin like a tattoo.

    okay, maybe I still do that ..

    Like

    • April Trice November 12, 2011 at 1:01 am #

      You totally know you still do that.

      Like

      • the child left behind November 12, 2011 at 1:13 am #

        okay yeah, I do. in fact, I am off to find my secret stash of them now. I have to hide them from the kids

        Like

  15. Michael Cargill November 12, 2011 at 1:02 am #

    Top story and well done on being freshly pressed.

    As soon as I started reading it I was dying to make a comment about kleptomania but then you went and used that word yourself right at the very end.

    Like

  16. Anne Schilde November 12, 2011 at 1:07 am #

    OMG! I never realized it until now. I type my “junk” but I have a freak-bump from all the drawing I’ve done!

    My pen stealing days are over, but for a while I had it bad for out-of-town business pens… never two the same. If I noticed you had a pen from a business that was from another town or better yet state or even country, I plotted devious ways to get it from you, and I always carried a few extra ordinary pens in case I needed to do a bait and switch.

    Like

  17. Bill Towne November 12, 2011 at 1:10 am #

    Are ink pens the same thing as pens?

    Like

    • April Trice November 12, 2011 at 1:13 am #

      I’m sorry. You’ve confused me. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say yes. Ink pens are the same thing as pens.

      Like

    • Michael Cargill November 12, 2011 at 1:17 am #

      No, they are totally different. Ink pens are what you use to write your shopping list and practice using chopsticks with.

      Pens are what you use to stop your pigs and sheep from running away.

      Like

      • April Trice November 12, 2011 at 1:18 am #

        Darn you, Cargill!! Always flaunting your British brain of bigness. Fool.

        Like

      • Michael Cargill November 12, 2011 at 6:52 am #

        That made me laugh actually.

        Us Brits are only a tiny nation now. Being a load of smart arses is our biggest export these days.

        Like

  18. Gillian Colbert November 12, 2011 at 1:12 am #

    I’m a pen trader. I’ll swipe a good pen and leave behind my least favorite! I love new pens, office supplies, anything along those lines …

    Like

    • uponatlas November 12, 2011 at 6:31 am #

      I love new stationary! It’s the best thing in the world! 🙂

      Like

  19. mohanmohan November 12, 2011 at 1:26 am #

    And all these years I thought it was an intergalatic quantum weasel sneaking in through the dryer vent that’s been making my pens disappear. I guess I can stop re-baiting the weasel traps.

    Like

  20. lynnjake November 12, 2011 at 1:38 am #

    I hear you loud and clear. I, too have a tendency to take pens that write just right. I’ll leave another one I don’t like as much if I happen to have one, but if not, oh well. I figure there aren’t many people who even care about pens like I do, so they won’t miss one if it accidentally leaves with me. My current fave is the little skinny Sharpie as well. That is, ever since it became so difficult to find my all-time favorite, the Pilot P-700.

    Like

    • April Trice November 12, 2011 at 1:39 am #

      I like the way you said Pilot P-700. 😉

      Like

    • Michael Cargill November 12, 2011 at 1:44 am #

      Hi Lynn. Your knowledge of pens is impressive!

      Do you have your own blog? Your name isn’t linked to it so you are missing out on visitors. Easily fixed:

      Dashboard > Users > Personal Settings. Scroll down to the ‘website’ box and put the full address of your blog in it. Save.

      Done!

      Like

      • April Trice November 12, 2011 at 1:46 am #

        I’m now convinced that you, Michael Cargill, are a WordPress employee incognito. Or at least a member of the help desk….

        Like

      • Michael Cargill November 12, 2011 at 6:51 am #

        I work in IT, I can’t help it. I have given that bit of advice out to loads of people now…!

        Like

      • lynnjake November 13, 2011 at 3:02 am #

        Thanks, Michael. I do have my own blog, and usually it shows up when I write a reply. I guess it didn’t this time because I came to this site before I checked into my own. Anyway, thanks! Lynn

        Like

  21. With your help I have finally identified my second vice, ink pens, you are not alone in this galaxy. I prefer my handwriting over my keyboard by a thousand to one. A Psychologist friend told me that I have an artist locked inside of me that only gets to come out through the tip of a fine writing instrument, she was serious. Oh, my other vice, Butter Pecan ice cream, I am not ashamed.

    Like

    • April Trice November 12, 2011 at 1:45 am #

      Admission is half the battle, sir! Congrats on letting go of that beast we call denial!

      Like

  22. Teresa Silverthorn November 12, 2011 at 1:41 am #

    When I borrow someone’s pen – I always, ALWAYS, give it back.
    I’m a freak. I’ve learned to accept that about myself.

    Like

    • April Trice November 12, 2011 at 1:44 am #

      Oh, Teresa. I believe you might be a saint in earth clothing. Giving back pens…..:)

      Like

  23. Thomas John November 12, 2011 at 1:41 am #

    When I was around ten I did this too I’d steal pens from anywhere were they we’re obviously not needed or owed then I’d go to school and show my friends my favorites. sometimes I’d trade Pens too.

    Like

  24. Isla White November 12, 2011 at 1:50 am #

    I have the same connection with pens but don’t see it as stealing. They just seem to like to stay with me. I always have a vast variety of pens of all shapes on sizes on my person and quite often I have no idea where they came from. You see I didn’t steal, that would have been a conscious act.

    My daughter also has a bizarre collection thing as well but it extends much further than pens. In fact when I attempt to clean her room I can find things from bottle tops, sweet wrappers, kitchen roll and lots of folded paper. She is only 7 and so I am hoping its just a strange habit that she’ll grow out of soon.

    Like

    • April Trice November 12, 2011 at 2:00 am #

      My daughter stashes restaurant sugar packets like a crack-head. I think you and I are riding in the same boat.

      Like

  25. morristownmemos by Ronnie Hammer November 12, 2011 at 2:04 am #

    I heard the best one about stealing pens with store or restaurant names imprinted. My brother told me that the owners WANT us to steal those pens because it provides free advertising for them!

    Have I ruined anyone’s fun by justifying the theft?

    Ronnie

    Like

  26. The Kittle Team November 12, 2011 at 2:05 am #

    LOL! I should be wary with my pen if i will meet you someday. Great story i enjoyed reading it.

    Like

  27. Edward Hotspur November 12, 2011 at 2:14 am #

    Pens love me. I can always find pens. They’re everywhere, to the point that I have to surreptitiously leave them around just to get rid of them. Say, want to borrow my pen? *tiptoes away*

    Like

    • April Trice November 12, 2011 at 2:27 am #

      Oh Edward…you tease!

      Like

  28. Boodoomoo November 12, 2011 at 2:17 am #

    LOL I have been weening myself off of sharpies lately and trying to stay out of the office closet! Congrats on being FP!

    Like

  29. countoncross November 12, 2011 at 2:28 am #

    I have a totally different problem……I find myself using a pen that I might love, even ones you are supposed to take, and I make sure to leave it. I am always nervous about taking things and getting in trouble……even if they have a million with the company name and phone number on it. Maybe we both need to find the happy middle. Love the post, so funny!

    Like

  30. jackgreen1609 November 12, 2011 at 2:29 am #

    great post, i find that I’m always taking things from school, the physics department definitely has the best things to take, springs and ball bearings definitely make the rest of the days lessons go by a lot quicker.

    Like

  31. Jacqueline November 12, 2011 at 2:35 am #

    Your writing is hilarious and so well done! I do share your love of pens and am very particular about the ones I use as well. Right now my favorite is the Pilot “Precise Grip” in blue. It writes like a dream!

    Like

  32. Darlene Steelman November 12, 2011 at 2:42 am #

    Freaking hilarious! And I can totally relate. I am a closet pen thief as well! Great post!

    Like

  33. lifeintheboomerlane November 12, 2011 at 2:43 am #

    You need a Pen Theft Support Group. OK, now that that’s covered, I’m a pen freak. I won’t steal other people’s pens, because I am only able to write with my own. When I find a pen I like, I go to idiotic extremes to buy it, including getting it direct from the manufacturer in boxes of 144. I am now obsessed with pens sold only at the Dollar Tree in Sarasota (I live in DC). They last about 15 minutes, but they are the best 15 minutes of my life. Sharpies rock, but seriously, INC R-2 Rollerballs are the superstars of the Pen World. At the moment, that is.

    Like

    • FauxKhaleejia November 12, 2011 at 7:22 am #

      LOL hahaha!! the 15 minute pens 😀 that really is fantastic, and god knows I know the feeling all too well. My favorites at the moment are the Pilot G2 0.5! theyre incredibly smooth

      Like

  34. A Morning Grouch November 12, 2011 at 2:49 am #

    I also am a pen freak (and buy dozens at a time…god forbid I can’t find one!). For awhile sharpie ultra fine, bic something-or-other and the sharpie pen that you referred to above. Love them love them love them. And yes, I also have a freak bump in the middle of my middle finger…it’s seriously permanent.

    Like

  35. Heather Monica November 12, 2011 at 2:52 am #

    pens! glorious pens! remember the Brachs candy bins at the grocery store? buckets and buckets of wrapped caramels and hard candies…..the blue icy ones, the barrel shaped root beers… When I go into a Staples store (because the good ole’ stationary stores dont even EXIST anymore) I get the exact same feeling! Walking into a pen isle, or ::gasp:: a Sharpie display, I feel like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
    I secretly want to make a pen angel in a pile of Sharpies. Only difference for me is its all about the color.. I LOVE all the Sharpie colors. thick, thin, ginormo…. I love em all….rock on pen thief. If you ever get caught, call me, Ill bail you out, (and steal the desk officers pen just so I can say I did it!)

    Like

  36. blogattack November 12, 2011 at 2:56 am #

    This was brilliantly funny, and I also have a moderate obsession with black ink pens, and I also have one of those bumps on my middle finger – weird!

    Like

  37. tamago12 November 12, 2011 at 2:59 am #

    Now I really want to hear what happened during that hypnosis session. Perhaps you got rather…intimate…with a Sharpie?

    Like

  38. johnmcgeeblog November 12, 2011 at 3:15 am #

    Dude. Meet me out back. Yeah, next to the dumpster. I got the shizzle…. Two words: Fountain. Pen.

    I’m shaking already!

    Like

  39. Michael Carroll November 12, 2011 at 3:35 am #

    I do this very thing as well!

    Like

    • Michael Cargill November 12, 2011 at 6:50 am #

      Your name is scarily similar to mine. I keep scrolling down and wondering when I typed this comment.

      I will pay you £1.64 to change your name.

      Like

  40. theamberlight November 12, 2011 at 3:39 am #

    Love it!!! And love to hand write my stuff and BOY do I Love Pens…and I steal them if they are nice enough. I suppose age has a lot to do with whether you are even able to write well enough to read it. Those under the age of 25 have a much harder time using pens than those of us who have lived a bit longer. Even my 30 year daughter has a difficult time being legible. What a wonderfully funny piece! Do you hand write your blogs before posting them? Coudl you scna and post them? Just thoughts! Congrats on Freshly Pressed…I am still working to make it into that club! 🙂 AmberLena

    Like

  41. Lettie November 12, 2011 at 3:44 am #

    Now I know what to send you…i will start collecting for you right away.

    Like

  42. Johnny Klash November 12, 2011 at 3:47 am #

    hahaha! this is funny.

    Like

  43. philgeland November 12, 2011 at 3:48 am #

    You won´t get mine. Not even from my cold dead hands.

    Like

  44. Miriam Joy November 12, 2011 at 3:57 am #

    Ha ha, that’s hilarious! I used to steal the bronze crayons we had. We called them gold, but they were bronze. And they were Awesome.

    Like

  45. fornormalstepfathers November 12, 2011 at 3:57 am #

    Whoever does not take proper care of their pens, deserve it! You would have to fight me for mine 🙂

    Like

  46. Panfilo Castaldi November 12, 2011 at 4:04 am #

    For years, I’ve been trying to convince friends and colleagues who quit their jobs to steal All The Pens from their office before leaving. Nice article, very entertaining.

    Like

    • uponatlas November 12, 2011 at 6:28 am #

      HAHA I tell my friends to do that too! We are of the same mind, you and I. 🙂

      Like

  47. redwheelbarrow1957 November 12, 2011 at 4:17 am #

    You would like me. I buy my pens by the box and give them away. I can see the people liking the borrowed pen. Then I just tell them to take it. Most of the time they look shocked.
    You know the roller ball pens with the .7 nib?
    You know you want it, take it.

    Like

    • April Trice November 12, 2011 at 4:19 am #

      Why you got to play with my emotions like that. Why.

      Like

      • redwheelbarrow1957 November 12, 2011 at 7:04 am #

        That is just the way i roll.

        Like

  48. Grant L. Jackson November 12, 2011 at 4:22 am #

    My compulsion is quite different. I find the need to use a pen until it is completely empty. Did you know that a Bic Crystal will write a line for a mile?

    I get a small feeling of accomplishment when I’ve used a pen to the last inch of writing. Conversely, I get a feeling of disappointment when I loose a pen or it stops writing with ink still in the tube.

    Like

    • chicbynature November 12, 2011 at 6:49 am #

      I do this too! And with chapstick and lighters as well. I also feel accomplished when I use any of these items to their very last drop. 🙂

      Like

    • osmiumantidote November 12, 2011 at 9:21 pm #

      I do this, too. I even have a drawer full of empty pen carcasses that I gloat over.

      Like

  49. My Daily London November 12, 2011 at 4:30 am #

    I loved it – I just kept reading on and on! Well done you are an amazing writer!

    Like

  50. MJ, Nonstepmom November 12, 2011 at 4:36 am #

    I have a couple favorites and will waste way too much time searching for just the perfe ct pen for important tasks such a scribbling initials on a homework assignment. Perhaps we could help each other if we met in the middle !

    Like

  51. kat November 12, 2011 at 4:38 am #

    I have a friend who also liked taking pens . . . until she swiped a “Jesus Loves Me” pen from the local tax office. The lady she had swiped it from knew where she worked and called her at her job to ask for her pen back.

    Just saying, there are dangers out there. 🙂

    Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed!

    Like

  52. Casey_Leigh November 12, 2011 at 4:43 am #

    Oh I’m a handwriter too and I feel the same way when I get a new notebook. I always like to write and since I saw harriet the spy when i was little…it was over. I had an obsession…Fortunately, you can’t make a vice stealing notebooks because they’re big, but whenever I got a free wad of paper bound together on one side…I, too would become that crack head you mentioned…

    Like

    • c4fox1 November 12, 2011 at 5:10 am #

      I agree! I’m so happy its too difficult to steal notebooks, I would be swiping them left and right! I have a complete obsession with pens and notebooks. There is a huge box in my closet dedicated to notebooks, most of which don’t have one word in them. Sad thing is my husband gives me pens as gifts… it makes my day when he does. Lol.

      Like

      • FauxKhaleejia November 12, 2011 at 7:14 am #

        ME TOO. I didn’t think this many people were into this stuff. I have entire collections of notebooks and pens… my favorites happen to be the Pilot G-2 0.5 variety, but I also enjoy some brands of ballpoint pens and other well-made ink pens. I hand write a lot, so i’m very particular about the pens I use ;p

        The notebooks are a different story… I just like having them. I think I’ve only used one or two. but the rest are so pretty!

        Like

  53. Kit November 12, 2011 at 4:59 am #

    I do this too. Through your whole post I was nodding and then feelings of guilt started creeping up. I love no-bleed Sharpie pens. And I have a freak bump. We may have been separated at birth.

    Like

  54. womaninthemid November 12, 2011 at 5:05 am #

    I was at a conference in downtown Los Angeles at a really nice hotel and they put a pen and pad of paper at each place. The pens were REALLY NICE and I LOVED them! People were abandoning them everywhere. I brought home fourteen. ..I am still enjoying them all over the house!

    Like

  55. Bonnie November 12, 2011 at 5:34 am #

    I had to link to this. My granddaughter has been hording office supplies since she could walk and grab. She came out of the womb with a pen and spiral notebook in her hands.

    Like

  56. Liz November 12, 2011 at 5:39 am #

    I loved this, it was hilarious! I too am very particular about my pens and have been known to pilfer those that catch my eye.

    Like

  57. jessriospaz November 12, 2011 at 5:53 am #

    Love this post and the fact that I am not alone in my pen thievery. Thanks for the entertaining take on it!

    Like

    • Joe Joe 5 November 12, 2011 at 6:30 am #

      This was great. I can definitely relate, even though I don’t consider my pen stealing kleptomania. I generally only do it after signing my name on a receipt at a bar or restaurant when I feel the prices are outlandish. It’s my way of evening the score. Eighty bucks for two entrees and a couple glasses of wine doesn’t seem so bad as I am furtively slipping a new pen into my pocket beneath the table. That’s rational, right? Right.

      Like

  58. uponatlas November 12, 2011 at 6:20 am #

    I an also a lover of stationary. Amen, sister!

    Love the post, congrats on being Freshly Pressed.

    🙂

    uponatlas.

    Like

  59. MainerChick November 12, 2011 at 6:32 am #

    My goodness I cannot believe the number of people who share my obsession with pens, notebooks and basic office supplies.

    I have baskets of pens & pencils in all colors, sizes, & inks. I haven’t resorted to pilfering them yet, except in rare cases.

    Like

  60. jacobscottmoore November 12, 2011 at 6:45 am #

    I really like the way you write. It’s nice, funny, entertaining, and somehow comforting. I thank you for it.

    I’m not yet a pen thief, but if someone takes one of my pens or pencils, he or she often goes missing.

    A wonderful post and congratulations with the Freshly Pressed!

    http://jacobscottmoore.wordpress.com

    Like

  61. Rayme Wells @ A Clean Surface November 12, 2011 at 6:48 am #

    The number of readers who admit to stealing pens is scaring me. This post made me think of a pen I took home from the hotel room after my honeymoon in Argentina…
    It was a cheap “advertising” pen, but I enjoyed using it because of the good memories of my trip and I was saddened when it ran out of ink.

    Like

    • Huffygirl November 12, 2011 at 8:21 am #

      Cheap advertising pens are the one kind of pen one is SUPPOSED to steal.

      Like

  62. Marz November 12, 2011 at 7:20 am #

    Ahaha this was amazing! i totally can relate to this. I steal pens too most the time when i can. 🙂

    Like

  63. Spiritual Implications November 12, 2011 at 7:22 am #

    As the granddaughter of a man who actually collected pens his whole life, this absolutely cracks me up. I have inherited the unreasoning love of office supplies–a friend of mine travels to Japan often and will send “care packages” back to me containing new and wild pens he’s discovered.

    (By the way, when Grandpa died, he had over 2,000 pens and pencils stacked in a closet; it was everything, from the cheap ballpoints of the auto dealer to the collector item leg-lamp-from-Christmas-story pens. Pretty amazing, actually.)

    Like

  64. Lemon Colly (@TheWorkingLemon) November 12, 2011 at 7:31 am #

    This is intense. Where do you think the source of your desire to steal comes from?

    Like

  65. ldsrr91 November 12, 2011 at 7:54 am #

    I have one, I bought at staples. It is long, sleek and black, has about 18 inches of chain attached to it with a rubber thingy-ma-bob on the end that sticks to a desk or a counter.

    I took it out to the shop and cut off the rubber thingy-ma-bob on the end that sticks to a desk or a counter. Now I have a long, sleek and black pen with an 18 inch chain attached to it.

    When I use it to pay for gas or sign for a receipt, I will pull it out of my pocket and when they are surprised and inquire about it … I just smile and say …. “You haven’t got your free pen from the bank yet?”

    Nice post.

    DS

    Like

  66. Anna November 12, 2011 at 7:58 am #

    I’ve also got a strange lump on my middle finger on my right hand and I’ve had it for years… it developed from writing at school! There’s the bump and then a dent where I rest my pens. Not that I’ve ever stolen any (not from memory anyway!), but I do love pens. I have loads of different types. Sometimes I can’t even throw them away even when they’ve stopped working because I have such an emotional attachment to them… strange, huh?

    Anyway, brilliant article- loved it! You have a new subscriber 🙂

    Like

  67. Huffygirl November 12, 2011 at 8:20 am #

    Interesting. Why is it that most people say “ink pens” instead of just “pens?” Is there another kind of “pen” that does not use ink? Does anyone every say “lead pencil” instead of just “pencil?” I think not. Discuss.

    Either way, I think I’ll keep my Tul fine point black away from you just in case 😉 Congrats on being FP!

    Like

    • therealgirlfriday November 12, 2011 at 8:35 pm #

      I say No. 2 lead pencil. Otherwise it could be a colored pencil. Plus, I like to remind people of how old I am.

      Like

    • Cristina November 12, 2011 at 9:46 pm #

      Actually, I’ve heard SO many people say led pencil, but not ink pen. Huh. :S

      Like

  68. luaydpk November 12, 2011 at 8:36 am #

    Ink is good for art, as China art….Nice !

    Like

  69. jentera November 12, 2011 at 8:41 am #

    That was just fantastic! I absolutely love pens too and prefer to write than to type. I am a total pen freak but I haven’t confiscated any. Not yet at least.

    Like

  70. fashionelle November 12, 2011 at 8:45 am #

    I have practically the same pen fetish as you. I seriously am incapable of passing a writing utensil aisle and just looking at the whole wall covered in pens and I keep on wondering which will make my script even more scripty! As for the Sharpie pens, yea its cool that they don’t bleed through but it feels like you’re writing with a marker and there’s no pen ink effect. I’m not too big on legit stealing, I guess my Giminy is rock solid and will not allow me to commit theft under any circumstances. Great post, hope to see more!

    Like

  71. dramaqueen1913 November 12, 2011 at 8:51 am #

    Anna:
    There are some folks who do say lead pencils and ink pens out of old school habit. I think the designation of ink pen (pens that contain some sort of internal ink supply) is to distinguish it from the fountain pen (that actually gets dipped in liquid ink for writing). Though in modern day vernacular, redundancy seems to be the new normal….

    Whimsywhims:
    Aw that was funny yo! 😉

    Like

  72. Noelle Campbell November 12, 2011 at 9:00 am #

    I have that bump too, and I collect pens of all different colors. I don’t limit myself to black. Sometimes I have to empty out a full sized drawer of ink pens because it’s just getting too bad. I collect gel pens, sharpies, various ink rollers… I am a pen connoisseur. I don’t steal them from work, they never have ones I like. I also have a zillion notebooks, most of them small and spiral, because i prefer writing my first drafts on paper to typing on the computer.

    I’m also addicted to polishing my nails. I have more colors of polish than ink, but not by much…

    Like

  73. selfprofessedllama November 12, 2011 at 9:36 am #

    I had no idea that my pen addiction was so common! When I was younger I would wander the halls after school for dropped pens to adopt. Notebooks are my all time favorite, though. And a wonderful pen to write with in a wonderful notebook *delight*

    Like

  74. MythScavenger November 12, 2011 at 10:01 am #

    Hahaha, I love this. Now, I seriously want to get some good pens…Hm.

    Like

  75. greceln November 12, 2011 at 10:08 am #

    I’m a kleptomaniac pen thief too. I don’t ever remember buying a pen for years but I seem to have them around.

    Like

  76. Candice Coghill November 12, 2011 at 10:36 am #

    omfg, oops, I meant omg…. we had this *very* same discussion in a group on She Writes just a couple of weeks ago when we were all prepping for NaNoWriMo! The number of office-supply addicts in our little group is astounding! No one admitted to being a pen thief, but the questioning wasn’t quite as in-depth during our sessions…. so, there may be pen thieves lurking among us.

    My first office-supply theft occurred so many years ago that most of you probably are unfamiliar with the particular thing I stole. My Dad has just gotten a new typewriter (manual, if that gives you a hint as to the era….) and my Mom and I went to Woolworth’s (hint 2). There, with the other office supplies, I spotted *IT* — my target! It called out to me like a mermaid luring a sailor, and I had to have it! I picked it up, and fondled it. Back then, no need for 20 coats of protective plastic (to keep things from theft …ha!); you got to fondle the goods directly! *IT* felt so good in my hand. And it was so cute! An orange-pink, hard-rubber eraser wheel with a little metal stem below it to which was attached a little stiff-bristle brush. It was for erasing typing errors then brushing away the erasure crumbs!

    Right into my pocket it went, and home. I promptly tried it out on Dad’s typewriter. It worked great! I typed/erased/brushed for at least a half and hour, until the little wheel was out of alignment! Trouble was, I left *IT* right next to the typewriter when I left the room later on to go play.

    Busted! at age 7! None of my later thefts were ever so exciting. But, I still snag a pen here and there. And smile at the memories….

    Like

  77. susserative November 12, 2011 at 11:22 am #

    What if you don’t remember taking them?
    What if you walk into your house, stick your hand in your pocket to get your keys for the key hook, and you come out with a fistful of writing utensils? You open your nightstand and there’s thousands off pens staring at you and you don’t know how they got there? You go to get the milk out of the fridge… and well there’s milk in there as you’d expect, but there are implements of writing in every damn cup and you have nothing to drink out of… Oye.

    Like

  78. cjohnhanson November 12, 2011 at 11:36 am #

    I work at a tuxedo shop, where pens are a hot commodity. My coworkers guard their favorite pens jealously, and should one go missing, there is a dangerous amount of fingerpointing. I am not nearly as protective of my writing utensils as my colleagues are, but I’ve been less than friendly to customers who pocket my pens on their way out.

    Like

  79. basangsisiw November 12, 2011 at 11:37 am #

    I’ve never tried stealing pens in my life, I swear… But I am good at begging for pens from people when I happen to like it. I just cannot take them without permission ‘coz I would be furious if someone will take mine without me knowing. Just like now, my pen got lost again and I think someone might have stolen it. I do hope it’s not you, right? 🙂

    Like

  80. cl8ud November 12, 2011 at 11:54 am #

    Office/school supplies are for me what porn, salty/fatty snacks, or shoes are to many other people. I get embarrassingly excited over new-colored post-its and pens, dry-erase anything, staplers, binder clips… you name it. It seems that I am intrigued by the IDEA of organizing and all the supplies that are available to help a person to do just that, but when it comes down to it, I am pretty messy and I think I just need all those supplies because, that way there is always something within reach and it doesn’t matter so much if I misplace something else.

    Like

  81. muneeb34 November 12, 2011 at 11:57 am #

    Great Pen …… see this ….
    http://www.allitreview.com/

    Like

  82. muneeb34 November 12, 2011 at 11:58 am #

    great pen……se this
    http://www.allitreview.com/

    Like

  83. umanbn November 12, 2011 at 12:01 pm #

    Just don’t steal mine….I’m too attached to them!

    Like

  84. veronicastarr November 12, 2011 at 12:30 pm #

    Cracked me up and amused me which is just what i needed today! Muchos Gracias!

    Like

  85. Bruce November 12, 2011 at 1:03 pm #

    What up a crack-up; the post I mean and then the comments too. I like good pens, especially fountain pens and good paper. An empty head is kind of an anti-climax.

    Like

  86. honeymoon tours November 12, 2011 at 1:18 pm #

    Ink pens was the great in last some year ago when i wns in 5th standard. in my school we can use only ink pen

    Like

  87. mahak khandelwal November 12, 2011 at 1:42 pm #

    what can I say about your post, by expressing all this you’ve done a brave thing. above all you are pretty amazing writer I could not stop myself from reading on and on…

    Like

  88. Betty Amazing November 12, 2011 at 1:55 pm #

    I love pens, but I’m really iffy about using other people’s – I always end up with their handwriting… I’d like to say that it was something sensible like the way they’ve worn their nib down, and the angle that they write at has affected its balance… but we all know it’s part of their soul leaking into their pen, and affecting the way the pen writes… right?

    🙂 xx

    Like

  89. creativegremlin November 12, 2011 at 1:58 pm #

    Yours is one of the first blogs I’ve read on wordpress.com simply because of this article – I love pens and had a misspent youth of stealing them as well, though like you as an adult I have discriminating tastes now – they have to fit in my hand just right, have a nice smooth motion, though I prefer the look and feel of medium point.

    Like

  90. Kate's Bookshelf November 12, 2011 at 2:04 pm #

    Everyone has said it all, but it’s nice to know I’m not the only one around with a bump, indentation on my middle finger, and an ink pen fetish. I’m very particular and only steal (borrow) certain ones. I’m also very protective of my Zebra ballpoints and new fountain pens. I also have a weird love fascination with office supplies…..

    Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone you do it too.

    Like

  91. Janella Tan November 12, 2011 at 2:46 pm #

    haha i liked your post 🙂 i have this friend she tends to forget to return the pens she would borrow haha :)) but it ain’t stealing :p

    Like

  92. Emma November 12, 2011 at 3:35 pm #

    Oh my gosh! I just realised that the freakish little bump on MY middle finger has disappeared after all these years of typing!! I feel sad.

    Great post!

    Like

  93. valentinedee November 12, 2011 at 5:07 pm #

    Very cute and quite the image. I just can see you confusing the poor receptionist at the front desk. Thank heavens my vice is chocolate–tradeja

    http://valentinedefrancis.blogspot.com/

    Like

  94. junaidqadir November 12, 2011 at 5:18 pm #

    a good story

    Like

  95. squelsch November 12, 2011 at 5:21 pm #

    Some people just want to watch the world burn
    PEN THEIF

    Like

  96. CurlyLAF November 12, 2011 at 5:31 pm #

    “a drop of ink make millions think!”

    very interesting post! lemme borrow the ink pens you stole! LOL!

    Congrats for being Freshly Pressed! 🙂

    curlybookworm.wordpress.com

    Like

  97. scribedoll November 12, 2011 at 6:02 pm #

    I totally sympathise with your love of stationery and especially fountain pens. I write all my plays and short stories with my beloved Parker!

    Like

  98. leadinglight November 12, 2011 at 6:03 pm #

    Having been brought up as the daughter of doctors, I’ve got a supply of pens with the most random names of drugs. It’s embarassing to take a pen advertising pills for sexual dysfunction – it happened to my sister at her customer service job at a department store.

    Like

  99. P is for Poetry November 12, 2011 at 6:31 pm #

    Excellent!

    Like

  100. Dan November 12, 2011 at 6:51 pm #

    You can take anything but my new fountain pen.

    Like

  101. Palm Trees & Bare Feet November 12, 2011 at 7:15 pm #

    Wonderful Post! Yes, I used caps because this was REALLY a great post! 😉

    Like

  102. nirmaljoshi November 12, 2011 at 7:22 pm #

    now i understand why half dozen of my pen goes each week… nice post buddy..

    Like

  103. sarahnsh November 12, 2011 at 7:26 pm #

    I’ve been tempted to steal pens but end up saying my thoughts out loud so then I get reprimanded by however I’m with. But, I have stolen pens, especially the really nice ones. I have a thing about it and especially love the ones that write well and that are pretty. I also have particular pens for writing down in my datebook or doing other stuff. So, I could relate to this post!

    Like

  104. @lifeintheboomerlane, I like the idea of a “Pen Theft Support Group” no pencil-necks or eraser-heads allowed. Each confessing memeber will recieve a free application, to be completed in ink, to the PTWPP, Pen Theft Witness Protection Program. I do not endorse theft in any form, but I endorse [with] pens.

    Like

  105. PerfectGrrl November 12, 2011 at 7:40 pm #

    I have most recently come to realize that I walk off with people’s pens all of the time! I now greet the pizza guy at the door with my own pen in hand, otherwise after he leaves, I find myself placing the pizza box, along with his pen, on my counter. It doesn’t have to be a fancy pen, or a particularly nice pen. Any pen. If it writes, it finds its way home with me.

    I also have a problem with office supply stores. I can spend hours in Staples or Office Depot. Pens and planners and highlighters. Oh My!

    In my case, however, I hate writing by hand and I do it as little as possible. I am pathological in my disdain for my handwriting (and yes, I realize that never doing it makes it worse.) I will sign a Christmas card or a Birthday card to a friend and rip it in half and start over, simply because my penmanship doesn’t meet with my approval. Christmas card season gets expensive..

    Like

  106. Ribbons Undone November 12, 2011 at 7:43 pm #

    Oh my gosh! I love back to school time! Not because I’m in school (well I’m finishing up a degree but it’s not the same thing as high school or elementary), but because all those supplies go on sale! I love walking down the aisles and seeing all the notebooks stacked up and the different colored pens and highlighters. I still love crayons, too. I know, it’s sad isn’t it? The bottom of my purse is littered with so many pens and half of them are out of ink. I just keep them for some reason. The backpack I use for my classes has way too many pens and mechanical pencils for one person to use in three lifetimes. I’m not really a klepto when it comes to pens, but I do have a tendency to get extremely forgetful when I use someone else’s pen. They tend to disappear from their owners and end up in my purse before I realize what I’ve done. I guess, in my subconscious, I think that if you give me a pen to use, then it becomes mine.

    Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!

    Like

  107. The British Asian Blog November 12, 2011 at 7:48 pm #

    What an interesting read. For many your habit(s) might be frowned upon as it’s simply not the way to acquire ‘ink-pens’, but I would label it as passion – simply because I can relate to this passion.

    Since I don’t know when – I have the desire to own fountain-pens. I have collected over 200 (when I last counted) but these have simply been purchased via retail stores or off other people. My search continues.

    I’m not sure exactly what it is about these fountain pens, but the feel and flow of ink on paper has something special about it – not to mention the light scratching sound they make when they meet the paper.

    Like

  108. 12 Novels in 12 Months November 12, 2011 at 7:49 pm #

    I thought I was the only one with this affliction. I not only steal pens but I can tell you which pen in the house wrote which note. I found The One years ago and have been trying to find it again. I even called Pentel to see if they knew what had happened to it since it’s been MIA for so long. I still refuse to believe it’s been discontinued.

    I have to admit that my obsession involves anything to do with writing- pens, pencils, paper, pretty much anything that can be found in Staples. Among the other careers I wish I’ve pursued, I’ve always wanted to be a Forensic Handwriting Analyst.

    I think today I’m going to have to write my story by hand. And I know just the instrument to use…

    Like

  109. Gina November 12, 2011 at 7:55 pm #

    I thought EVERYone had that bump. As a habitual pen thief and connoisseur of same, I love love a nice writing pen. Doesn’t have to be expensive but the smoother it flows, the more raven like I become toward that shiny object. My pride and joy is my silver Graf von Faber-Castell but my latest heist was my daughters pink Diddlina fountain pen, lol!

    Like

  110. goodlooknout November 12, 2011 at 8:11 pm #

    I thought I was the only one who got shifty over ink. Unlike u, I need variety of pens. I need a pn to match my mood each day…. #onehotmess!

    Like

  111. josefingoeslondon November 12, 2011 at 8:25 pm #

    I love this! 🙂 really funny!

    Like

  112. Anonymous November 12, 2011 at 8:30 pm #

    I have a particular fondness for Fountain pens. I like them because they make me slow down and I can get my thoughts out a little clearer. Have you ever tried them?

    Like

  113. therealgirlfriday November 12, 2011 at 8:33 pm #

    I have a particular fondness of writing iwth fountain pens. Have you ever tried them? They kind of force me to slow down my thoughts and get more of them on the paper. Plus, it makes me feel like Jane Austen.

    Just found your blo today. My new fave!!!!

    Like

    • therealgirlfriday November 12, 2011 at 8:33 pm #

      found your *blog* today. I have no idea where your “blo” stash is. 😉

      Like

      • Evie November 13, 2011 at 1:51 am #

        too funny!

        Like

  114. lanceschaubert November 12, 2011 at 8:50 pm #

    I do too, but it’s because my cocker spaniel renders them useless by biting the endcap…

    Like

  115. Subhash November 12, 2011 at 8:57 pm #

    Loved your article 😀 Very nice post!!

    Like

  116. TEworks November 12, 2011 at 8:59 pm #

    I’ve just put my household on notice! I will be creating a “wall of shame” for pen stealers that get caught!

    Like

  117. amandatouchton November 12, 2011 at 9:06 pm #

    I enjoyed your post. SO funny – I have a close relative who is also a pen-lover! Thanks for the funny story!

    Like

  118. evervescence November 12, 2011 at 9:28 pm #

    Hilarious! I love that you swiped your shrinks pen! She should know better! I too have a “freakish bump” on my finger from writing, mine is on my right ring finger. I love typing as it’s so much faster, but I still love to write pen to paper. l do a lot of my brainstorming and creative processing, journals, letters, etc. all by hand. Handwriting is not a lost art yet!

    Like

  119. thebloodynightgown November 12, 2011 at 9:32 pm #

    hey im writing a a day to day story and posting it on my blog. i just started it but check it out if you’re interested http://thebloodynightgown.wordpress.com

    Like

  120. osmiumantidote November 12, 2011 at 9:33 pm #

    I also have the freak-bump on my finger, but mine is on my third finger because I have always held my pen improperly. I write everything longhand first with stolen pens, but not just any pen! Oh, no. They must be a specific style of cheap advertisement pen. Black or blue ink, it doesn’t matter. It is the shape. And, I will steal multiples if I find them.

    I also hoard notebooks, the kind with the spiral on top.

    Well, I feel better. Confession is a good thing.

    Like

  121. Niko November 12, 2011 at 9:41 pm #

    That’s fantastic 🙂
    I like this blog, I’ll follow you!
    Greetings from Italy

    Like

  122. tolmema November 12, 2011 at 10:04 pm #

    Ugh, I do the same thing. Same as you, they have to be just right with the way they write. Usually cheap bics are my target. I also have a habit of hoarding notebooks (I buy those, though). Office supplies in general simply aren’t safe when in my vicinity.

    I got caught once, when I was a teenager. I sniped a zebra pen from the laundromat when picking up my mom’s dry cleaning. Apparently I was either incredibly conspicuous or the only person to walk into the store that day, because the owner called my mom and said that I had her pen. 😐

    Great post…glad to know that I’m not the only pen klepto!

    Like

    • April Trice November 12, 2011 at 10:06 pm #

      Anyone who calls and asks you to give them back their pen needs love. And a pet.

      Like

  123. gulfloomis November 12, 2011 at 10:11 pm #

    I can relate, to your interest in pens at least. The motivation to steal them though is not yet with me. Mine have to be blue ink. They also have to be particularly special. Small works of art in their own right. I acquire them lawfully. So far through purchasing them for rather large sums of swiss francs, euros, or dollar bills.

    Like

  124. Alaric Rays November 12, 2011 at 10:11 pm #

    I too suffer from being a writing-utensil-o-philic. I am that way even when not stealing them. When I take the time to buy my own I sit in the pen aisle staring down each package(of pens, not the customers) and beg them to tell me their secrets. Which one is going to write the best for me? Which is most comfortable? Which dries quick enough so that I don’t smear it as I slide my left hand across it? So many options. I just wish I could try them all and know for certain. Alas that will never be the case and I shall always have that ‘What if that one was THE one?’ foever. Happy Stealing/Writing!

    Like

  125. Ogweno November 12, 2011 at 10:32 pm #

    I am so much in love with pens that you may not succeed ‘stealing’ one from me. If you borrow my pen and I notice that you are behaving in a manner likely to suggest that you also want to ‘own’ it, I will quickly remind you to let me have back my pen (lol).

    Meanwhile stealing a pen from a ‘hospital’ which was supposed to ‘treat’ you of the vice is like students who cheat in a Bible college. I hope you will stop

    Like

  126. Lettie November 12, 2011 at 10:42 pm #

    Had to read it to some friends…….they all loved it. Hope some of them will start following your blog……

    Like

  127. Colton's Reading Retinue November 12, 2011 at 10:55 pm #

    I am with you. Currently, I have been stealing the “ENERGEL Liquid Gel Ink” pen by pentel. And guess what? They just came out this week with a Titatanium one in black ink for forty bucks that I totallys swiped from Staples. Heaven!

    You are a great writer. I can’t wait to read your next posts.

    Like

  128. Aneesa November 12, 2011 at 10:59 pm #

    Funny but I doNt use Pens. DoNt own one either.

    Like

  129. kelsiedaniele November 12, 2011 at 11:26 pm #

    I’m definitely in the same boat as you. I have always loved stationary supplies. In junior high I was a teachers assistant. You best believe everytime I went in the “copy room” I came back with something for me!

    Like

  130. drwebs November 12, 2011 at 11:28 pm #

    haha, this is great! thanks I needed this.

    Like

  131. olletron November 12, 2011 at 11:46 pm #

    I’m with you on this one. I used to hang around after school until all the teachers had left so that I could peruse the whole school’s stationary supplies. I used to love (and still would love, if the opportunity ever presented itself to me) finding whole pencil cases of good pens and, if I was lucky, a Parker. Those were the days…

    Like

  132. dreamerkw November 12, 2011 at 11:46 pm #

    I love to write using my pen and paper before I type anything on the computer. Whew! I thought I was the only one LOL

    Like

  133. evasantiago310 November 12, 2011 at 11:54 pm #

    I’m the other person..you know the one who ends up with the missing pen after someone “borrowed” it lol I enjoyed reading this post! Great job 🙂

    Like

  134. Akimi Starr November 13, 2011 at 12:06 am #

    OMGeee I thought I was the only one! I was just expressing to someone yesterday on how much I love pens and that I get CRUSHED when my pen is stolen and it turns up with the top chewed off…Anyway, I love our post! ~Akimi S.

    ~blukandie.wordpress.com

    Like

  135. Nayab November 13, 2011 at 12:09 am #

    haha very good post there… enjoyed reading it! I guess many of us have such strange obsessions in life… reminded me a few of my own 😉

    Like

  136. leahellis25 November 13, 2011 at 12:14 am #

    Bravo! I loved the voice in your story. I cant relate, but I do LOVE to write so I would probably steal paper!

    Like

  137. Joanna November 13, 2011 at 12:17 am #

    I love pens too! Especially thin inked ones but I do like colors.

    Like

  138. barefoot_med_student November 13, 2011 at 12:51 am #

    Ink pens are amazing. And I am a broke student. And doctors cannot walk into the hospital without a pen. And THAT is why I steal ink pens.

    Like

  139. thecuteitburns November 13, 2011 at 1:46 am #

    I used to buy pens. Then I realized that they would quickly disappear. So I stopped buying them, and they magically make their way to me in a number of ways.

    Like

  140. Nando November 13, 2011 at 1:48 am #

    This post had me laughing! Congrats on being freshly pressed! I LOVE pens myself but I’m not a cold-blooded pen thief like you! LOL! I recently got into fountain pens. I own four. If you ever steal one of them, I’ll likely stab you with it! Seriously, get some more help, dude.

    Like

  141. Evie November 13, 2011 at 2:04 am #

    My repair man left my house with MY pen in hand, and I didn’t know how to ask for it back without sounding cheap. I can’t believe the amount of people who actually STEAL pens, scary. I don’t think it’s too bad if you borrow a cheap pen and forget to return it, but actually stealing a pen from a stationary store is a horse of a different color. Do you really think it’s a sickness? What happened with your hypnosis, I guess it didn’t take. Be careful out there!

    Like

  142. toosoxy November 13, 2011 at 2:34 am #

    I am a reporter. I steal pens alllll the time. Steal the micron fine points next.

    Like

  143. Necro Nikki (@slaveSqueakAlot) November 13, 2011 at 3:15 am #

    I HAD to comment on this one. I LOVE pens. To a pretty crazy degree. I always have to get more, always. It’s probably a problem. Hahaha. I have a lot of inks too…I just, you know what? I just love supplies. Art supplies, office supplies…A trip to Staples makes me excited.

    Like

  144. clickclick, shutterbug November 13, 2011 at 3:16 am #

    i LOVE office/school supplies! lots of notebooks and journals that never get used, and lots of different color gel pens because everything has to be color coded, especially college notes!!

    Like

  145. asoulwalker November 13, 2011 at 3:28 am #

    It is football season, so the cricket is pretty much within his cultural “rights.”

    Like

  146. BrownHausKids November 13, 2011 at 3:45 am #

    Great post!

    Like

  147. Kellea Tibbs November 13, 2011 at 4:15 am #

    This is hilarious! I think I have the same disease. I also have an obsession with having pens everywhere in my apartment, by my bed, by my chair in the living room, in the kitchen, and I always need a handful in my purse or totebag. It’s a writer thing I guess. LOL

    Like

  148. TriviaYourMind November 13, 2011 at 4:30 am #

    i remember i always found pens all over the place in school, so i never had to buy any. LOL!

    http://triviayourmind.wordpress.com/

    Like

  149. pnwauthor November 13, 2011 at 4:52 am #

    Okay, so now I know who has been stealing my pens all these years.

    Like

  150. Geekly Vontechinschmidt November 13, 2011 at 4:54 am #

    Haha! Whoa!

    Like

  151. mamaschinsky November 13, 2011 at 5:13 am #

    I very much prefer writing my stuff by hand first, too.

    And I’ve totally been stealing pens for as long as I can remember, too. I actually get upset when they’re chained to the desks at banks and stuff. My next accomplishment will be stealing one of those pens with the fake flowers taped to it 🙂

    Loved this post…I’ll be following from now on! And congrats on getting Freshly Pressed!!

    Like

  152. Dorrie November 13, 2011 at 5:38 am #

    I also have a facination with pens…. Though I don’t necessarily take one if it writes well, I will make a mental note of the brand and whatever and go drop $5-$10 on a pack of them. Going to Office Depot/ Max is especially hard, because of all the choices! I also have a thing about planners. The app in my iPhone might not even exist as I always have to have my nice paper planner. I’ve always thought office supplies are rather fun!

    Like

  153. EL November 13, 2011 at 5:47 am #

    yes.

    my favorite are the smooth-writing, ball-point pens with brightly colored medical branding. preferably retractable. preferably with ornate clip-on plastic.

    thank you for legitimizing the one remnant of my kleptomaniac childhood.

    Like

  154. Kai November 13, 2011 at 6:28 am #

    That’s why I hold onto my pens with vice grip.

    Like

  155. sgare November 13, 2011 at 6:36 am #

    I prefer a key board these days.

    Like

  156. I am Teddy November 13, 2011 at 7:30 am #

    Cool!!

    Like

  157. topiclessbar November 13, 2011 at 8:38 am #

    Ink pens! I’d never heard anyone say the phrase “ink pen” until I moved from New York to North Carolina. I was totally thrown off when I’d be teaching a class and one of the students would say, “Mr. P, you got any ink pens?” I would, of course, be all snide and sarcastic and say something like, “Man, all I got are these damn led pens” and give the kid a pencil. Don’t all pens use ink? Now I understand that “ink pen” means “fountain pen.” And that’s a mighty fine kind of pen to steal, North, South, East or West.

    Congrats on being FP!

    Like

  158. Anonymous November 13, 2011 at 9:33 am #

    Is this for real?….. He seriously steals pens?…

    Like

  159. esterdeluna November 13, 2011 at 9:40 am #

    I love writing too… with pen and all that, but i don’t steal them though…. Wish you luck…

    Like

  160. Ford F-OneKitty November 13, 2011 at 9:57 am #

    ► I also share a slight fascination with pens but I try to control myself, hahah!. I just love how they write. I actually had something similar to this with pencils wooden and mechanical but that’s over (I think).

    Like

  161. Personal Concerns November 13, 2011 at 9:59 am #

    I partly share of this streak!

    Like

  162. lupoeta November 13, 2011 at 10:03 am #

    ; ) I guess all of us writers have things in common. Although, I type all the time, I think that my best works of writen art were hand writen first. Great story!

    Like

  163. hlitsab November 13, 2011 at 10:04 am #

    I don’t love pens as much as my husband (he has a collection of expensives and not-so-expensives) but, I have stolen a very nice pen once almost a couple of decades ago and that was the only time I stole a pen. I can’t remember why I did it. I really don’t have a thing for pens (or pencils or any writing utensils) but, maybe I should.

    Your article was interesting and fun to read.

    Like

  164. Chef Ivan November 13, 2011 at 10:23 am #

    I hoard a lot of pens myself. SInce I am a cook, I grab whatever pen I can find to do inventory, reports, etc. Yes, I am klepto, too, that way. My most prized possession? A cross twist pen. I have yet to lay ownership on a mont blanc fountain pen

    Like

  165. kabikat November 13, 2011 at 10:25 am #

    oh my! i thought i was like the only one with a THING for pens. Sometimes when i go to the store i have to FORCE myself not to go to the stationary section, but the overwhelming powers of the beautiful stationary items usually compel me to go…at least to have a PEAK! so sad…

    Like

  166. N November 13, 2011 at 12:27 pm #

    My favorite pen are the Uniball bold point pens. I will only use blue and am in love with the bold point. Since you seem to prefer the thinner type of pens that write in black ink, I guess I am safe around you.

    Like

  167. Anonymous November 13, 2011 at 1:27 pm #

    love my pen collection, try to limit the theft though, tends to overburden the display case, stationary stores are my favourite, and love pharmacy reps for their unique pens . . . .

    Like

  168. origamismycken November 13, 2011 at 3:18 pm #

    Reading your post (and the hundreds of comments under it) lends a comforting feeling of not being all alone in my twisted little universe of borderline offensive interest in office supply stuff – pens to no small degree.
    I’ve never stolen a pen from someone actually using it (ice cold, btw), but if a pen is left unattended somewhere – even if it is supposed to fill a purpose, like being left next to a list/petition/stack of blank name tags/whatever – it is extremely hard to leave it be.

    Thanks for a fun read!

    Like

  169. Scarlet Scarecrow November 13, 2011 at 3:21 pm #

    🙂 I personally write out my stuff with pencils. They flow better and gives this personal feel! (maybe it’s just me!)
    Till not so long ago, I used to flick pencils, mechanical or normal, coloured or HB. I now have a huge collection with around 300 odd pencils! 😀

    Like

  170. Bindu November 13, 2011 at 4:10 pm #

    Are you my girl’s classmate? In the last two years I had to buy 30 pens for her!!

    Like

  171. Bindu November 13, 2011 at 4:15 pm #

    Are you my girl’s classmate? No wonder I had to buy 30 pens for her in the last two years!

    Like

  172. rosycheeksbakery November 13, 2011 at 4:18 pm #

    Soooo True! – Thanks for sharing! x

    Like

  173. booksfan13 November 13, 2011 at 4:32 pm #

    i prefer fat pens with thick points and i just despise black. i feel sorry for the people who lost the pens. i was a victim of multiple pen theivery and it so does not feel good

    Like

  174. Nicole November 13, 2011 at 5:06 pm #

    I love that there are so many of us. I never would steal a pen from the store, but I steal them from waiters, BANKS (my favorite… oh my gosh they have a bit of a figure 8 shape to them, perfect ink, white with blue lettering, usually black ink), doctor’s offices, etc. I only steal cheapos with advertising on them, my favorite was from North Dakota Grain Co-Op (one my grandma and grandpa mailed to me from Montana along with a gallon bag of other pens! :D)… and wouldn’t you know… someone stole it from me! Even my husband steals them for me now! And my dad. I LOVE PENS! Must be a “writer” thing. Let’s call it that. 😉

    Like

    • elizabeth2286 November 14, 2011 at 7:10 am #

      Those pens are usually the best. They last longer than what I buy in the store… weird.

      Like

  175. mokokonoko November 13, 2011 at 6:11 pm #

    Pens are great. I went to a conference at a hotel yesterday and managed to swipe many a pen and a few pencils too. I highly recommend going to a conference and seeing what you can swipe

    Like

  176. May November 13, 2011 at 6:11 pm #

    OMG! I thought I was the only one. I got caught in the fourth class and got a good old-school whipping from my parents (where I come from, corporal punishment is the norm). My parents thought I’d become a bank robber. Now I only steal antique, forgotten pens from my ancestral home, and am sure if my parents found out, they’d whip me again.

    I was and still am obsessed with ink pens, though now as a uni student I rarely have the opportunity to get off my keyboard and use them.

    Like

  177. Coco's Vanity Cards November 13, 2011 at 6:12 pm #

    …ahh so it’s a thing! I’m totally the same, although I feel sad that my freaky bump on my finger disappeared after I started typing up my junk as you call it…I’m a Wrimo who thought that it would be a great idea to jot down my verbal diarrhea on paper, so maybe I will get that bump back and return to my roots :p…nice sharing!…

    Like

  178. laurengaines November 13, 2011 at 6:32 pm #

    This is fabulous!! Someone who shares my neurosis!! My parents will laugh when they read this… I was just as obsessed with office supplies as a child! I blogged about this post on asherdays.wordpress.com. May you live a life full of blot-free, fabulous pens 🙂

    Like

  179. confessionsofella November 13, 2011 at 6:33 pm #

    I have the same problem, well ….I don’t still but I ADORE all those office stuff, especially papeeeeeer :DDDDD that’s funny I guess

    Like

  180. aimeemcculloch November 13, 2011 at 6:33 pm #

    Haha, love this. I too am a pen-lover (hence all the inky doodles on my blog), but have never had the courage to actually steal them. Sharpies win, but I’m also a ‘Liquidly Free Ink Roller’ fan… shame no-one ever leaves those ones lying around to pinch… 😛

    Like

  181. Anonymous November 13, 2011 at 6:36 pm #

    You are a pencaptor. In fact, I think you’ve just sloved your vice!

    Like

  182. wheresmyeggroll November 13, 2011 at 7:03 pm #

    I too have an unusual kleptomaniacal habit. I can’t stop stealing milk cartons. I don’t even always drink them, I just do it. I can’t stop.

    Like

  183. thismummaslife November 13, 2011 at 7:27 pm #

    Ever since I was quite young, I have had the same issue with perfect writing implements. For me, there has always been the feeling that the other person just could not appreciate them the way that I do. Especially when it came to silver. Silver crayons, colored pencils, markers…I had a huge pile of them when I was a child. I took them from school, other kid’s houses, Doctor’s waiting rooms, anywhere.

    I loved how you wrote this.

    Like

  184. sudebaker November 13, 2011 at 7:51 pm #

    No stealing pens here, as I’ve got my J.C. on my shoulder, and he’s bigger than yours 😉 I do, however, struggle with *coveting* the pens – stroking, feeling the weight in my hand…the “almost deed”, I guess. Sigh.

    Like

  185. Gabrielle November 13, 2011 at 8:38 pm #

    sweet stuff!

    Like

  186. Karen November 13, 2011 at 8:38 pm #

    The similarities are well, eerie. Sandford Uni-ball Micro – Black only-is my pen of choice.
    Great post!

    Like

  187. israelbernard November 13, 2011 at 9:08 pm #

    I don’t normally comment on blogs, but I just had to for this one. I also suffer from kleptomania when it comes to small often overlooked items such as pens, papers, or other knick-knacks. If it’s lying there and nobody has claimed it, well, then it’s mine. Supply stores of any kind give me a sense of buoyant joy, and although I’m too paranoid to steal from a supply store, I’d never turn away the sad, abandoned pen on the table that’s been neglected for three minutes.

    I loved this post for the voice in it, and the experience you threw into it. Fabulous read, and I giggled through most of it.

    Like

  188. fringster November 13, 2011 at 9:29 pm #

    It must have been difficult dealing with the endless compulsion, yet I do salute you for being brave enough to post this. =)

    Like

  189. manga1artist November 13, 2011 at 9:32 pm #

    I FEEL YOU!

    Like

  190. ICAN7 November 13, 2011 at 9:53 pm #

    So thats where my pen has escaped to!

    Like

  191. jamieahughes November 13, 2011 at 10:53 pm #

    Too funny! I love your writing style. I am a former English teacher who, like you, has a real penchant for pens. I have my favorites, but those slim, no bleed Sharpies are pretty boss. Thanks for a chuckle with this post! 😀

    Like

  192. Living in the Well November 14, 2011 at 12:28 am #

    Pentel EnerGel in black are my addiction. I write journals, almost daily for 20 years. I use a pen until it runs dry. Then what am I supposed to do? They sell it at staples with a metal body (my journal pen) but i find the same one in plastic. I steal the plastic ones just for the ink cartridge, not from Staples but work is fair game.

    Like

  193. Lauren November 14, 2011 at 12:52 am #

    I’ve always had a thing for stealing pens AND pencils, but the pens have to be really nice and the pencils have to be mechanical, with lots of graphite in them. I LOVE the pens with thin tips, where the ink just flows out and the words and pictures seem to slide from beneath your fist. But really all office supplies have always been very tempting to me.

    I especially have an enormous hole in my heart reserved for new, empty notebooks that have never been written in. They don’t even have to be nice, I’ll take a 5th grade spiral notebook with 49 pages and too-widely spaced lines just as long as it’s empty. Empty notebooks are so full of possibilities, and it’s always kind of a bittersweet moment when I write the first words in my notebook, because it means the notebook just lost some of its mystery. But I’ve never reached the point of out-and-out stealing — I’ve begged to be given an empty notebook (my friends usually comply, they know I’m desperate for them) but I’ve always restrained myself from just stealing them. I have no qualms about taking pens or pencils, though, mostly because my best friend has the same bad habit. I’ve actually got a few recently aquired ones that I intend to trade with her for two of her mechanical pencils. Sign of true friendship, right?

    Like

  194. laughandchuckle November 14, 2011 at 1:08 am #

    Hey. I’m just starting a blog; I’m hoping it will be as funny as yours. Sadly, I don’t think many people will visit it. But just in case…
    chucklesandlaughter.wordpress.com

    🙂

    Like

  195. thecubiclerebel November 14, 2011 at 1:11 am #

    I have this problem, too. I get sweaty whenever I enter my local Geico office to pay my insurance. They have jars filled with not just inkpens but CLICKable inkpens, the best when you don’t wish to fool around with inkpen tops. The clickers are beyond addictive.

    Like

  196. thebrightsideofthings November 14, 2011 at 1:15 am #

    This is hilarious! I have never heard anything like it but it’s awesome. You probably have well over 500 pens. It’s great that you can be so h0nest about it. I also like that you have 50 Sharpies and they are all black. Why not lots of colorful Sharpies like red and green? I also think its really funny that there are so many other people who like stealing pens as well! I’m planning on becoming a psychologist. It’d be interesting to study this habit! Anyways, good luck with your pen-snatching!

    Like

  197. acousticdriven November 14, 2011 at 1:22 am #

    This makes me laugh. I’m in the military where having a pen handy at all times is required. If you’re spot checked, they won’t hesitate to make you drop and do pushups if you’re missing one. Sometimes we steal pens just to watch someone do pushups. Ah military life! 🙂

    Like

  198. W.T. November 14, 2011 at 1:36 am #

    And here i was, thinking those little chains on the pens at receptionists’ desks were silly and unnecessary…

    Like

    • BABEL_BeaVane November 14, 2011 at 3:58 am #

      That makes two of us… So inocent, so naive… Well, now we know better.

      Like

  199. Anonymous November 14, 2011 at 1:48 am #

    Hi, my name is Sixtywhiskers and I steal pens……..I have not stolen a pen in 22 years. Not on purpose anyway.

    Yes, me too. Those really nice gel pens, you know the clear ones, with so you can see how much ink is left.. The ones with the metal tip….ROLLerball……SUPERFine tip…..Ok OK I’m back now.
    Since second grade I used to jack my dad’s pens from his pocket protector. Whenever I was at someones house if there was one lying around I would find an excuse to use it and forget to give it back. And finding a red or green pen was like hitting the jackpot. During school, I would not really “steal” the pen, even if it was a nice one. I would just forget to give it back. But having my own pen stolen by some uncaring, heartless low life and not having one when I needed it, I decided not to steal them any more.

    Now as a grown up (yeah right), I purchase my own pens. Nice ones too. But being a recovering pen stealer, I know how we operate. So I always carry a Sharing pen. I carry my nice one for my personal use and one not so nice to “lend”.

    Someone sees me with my pen and always asks to use it. That’s when I pull out my backup.

    I can tell by the look on their face they wanted my pen, not my lending pen.
    HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!

    Like

  200. DrAnthonysBlog November 14, 2011 at 2:49 am #

    Very fascinating! 🙂

    Like

  201. willieparker November 14, 2011 at 2:57 am #

    You are not an Accountant, if you were, you would throw the pen away. Your next post: When I had no pen.

    Like

  202. tayyz1990 November 14, 2011 at 3:05 am #

    Hilarious !!!

    Like

  203. amiarting November 14, 2011 at 3:19 am #

    http://amiarting.wordpress.com/

    Like

  204. hillbillyzen13 November 14, 2011 at 3:34 am #

    I was going to do the tough love thing and pretend to be from Bic or something, but I was laughing too hard. If you ever find a 12-step program for this, let me know…please? I’ve got this thing for lighters….

    Like

  205. energizeyourlifetime November 14, 2011 at 4:04 am #

    I really like your Blog. Its evident that you have a lot knowledge on this topic. Your points are well made and relatable. Thanks for writing engaging and interesting material.http://energizeyourlifetime.com/

    Like

  206. SexyGamerGirl November 14, 2011 at 5:00 am #

    Ha. You sound my best friend. I love pens, but she REALLY loves pens. I was cleaning out my car and was about to throw out a few that had been sitting there for years. She took all the ones that still worked.

    Like

  207. Reem El-Hussainy November 14, 2011 at 5:05 am #

    Hahaha! I’ve never seen such a case. :p
    Checkout my blog: http://www.refusethespit.wordpress.com

    Like

  208. Charlie November 14, 2011 at 5:19 am #

    I must confess I too am guilty of rampant pen theft, especially the fat ones from doctors offices that advertise various meds.

    Like

    • maj0rtomsajunkie November 14, 2011 at 2:56 pm #

      Me too! WTF is that? I can’t get enough of those pharm pens and I don’t know why.

      Like

  209. Anonymous November 14, 2011 at 5:21 am #

    Honesty is the best policy is right up the old swipe the ink pen alley. It was whimsical fun to read your post, and it touched the childhood in us all… at least the 25 – 45+ age group of folks. We grew up with cursive writing in elementary school. We grew up with hours of practicing the fancy letter writing the capital “G”‘s and the difficult to master letter “Z”.

    I remember the old fashioned fountain ink pen with the sharp metal steel tip. Now that was art. Thus began my need to collect ink pens, the fancier the better and the more attractive I become.
    I relate. I relate to collecting them and keeping them, and find it sad when all the ink has disappeared. There are two of the saddest things in the world: A worn out pine Christmas Tree laying brown leaves on the grown near a gutter weeks after Christmas has gone, and an empty ink pen. Happy collecting…. and keeping.

    Like

    • ameerrante November 14, 2011 at 11:17 am #

      I’m barely 22 and also had cursive in school. They told me in seventh grade that if I did not write in cursive I would fail, and I took that to heart. It’s only under extreme duress that I will print, even now.

      Also the old Christmas trees make me cry. There’s a kid’s book about a little pine tree that wanted to be as big as all the other tree’s, but they cut down all the other trees and leave it all alone. The next year they come back and cut it down, and it was very happy to be chosen as well and to be loved by children. Then Christmas ends and they shove it in the attic to molder. No other book has affected me as profoundly as that one.

      Like

  210. ArizonaByThe27 November 14, 2011 at 5:35 am #

    And so I find at last, I’m not the only one.

    Like

  211. daeservice November 14, 2011 at 6:43 am #

    I’m curious about how you deal with those pesky pens with chains on them found at the bank. I’ve found myself unintentionally taking them, but am delighted nonetheless when I realize I have it.

    Like

    • delphiillumina November 14, 2011 at 2:45 pm #

      I was about to comment about that too. Imagine if she starts carrying around small scissors when she goes to the bank. That’d be like a mini premeditated crime!

      Like

  212. rmv November 14, 2011 at 7:07 am #

    with 255 comment ahead of me, i’m going to assume someone remarked that freud would tell you how a pen is a phallic symbol and that stealing pens shows an obsession with your penis. so since someone else has likely already made that comment, then i guess i don’t need to say it.

    have a great day.

    Like

    • April Trice November 14, 2011 at 7:20 am #

      Actually…you are, indeed, the first to mention Freud. I’m shocked he hadn’t been mentioned sooner.

      Like

      • collegetipster November 14, 2011 at 10:58 am #

        You read all 244 of the preceding comments? I applaud your dedication. I just wish I had that kind of patience.

        Like

      • April Trice November 14, 2011 at 6:01 pm #

        I figure if people take the time to comment, I’m more than willing to take the time to read every single one of them!

        Like

    • maj0rtomsajunkie November 14, 2011 at 2:54 pm #

      Leave it to a man to say that. Penises are like worms. I steal pens, too, usually the ones from pharm companies, and I don’t even look at penises during sex. Same thing with whomever I’m sleeping with. Freud has long since been defrauded, pardon the pun. So you men can get over yourselves and your little slimey, spare appendages.

      Like

    • whenquiet November 14, 2011 at 4:29 pm #

      rmv…but what about women who steal pens? do they have penis envy??

      Like

  213. v. November 14, 2011 at 7:29 am #

    Wow. I never thought I was the *only* person who had an unusual affinity for pens, but neither would I have guessed that so many other people shared my ardor for writing instruments. Pilot Dr. Grip is my pen of choice, and if I could, I’d get a dragon to guard my special pens. I’ve actually had, like, a breakdown after having lost a Dr. Grip. If the comments here are any indication, it must be a writer’s affliction.

    Like

  214. sdfdsf November 14, 2011 at 8:19 am #

    You People are all messed up in the head, stealing pens, no wonder our country is going to hell.

    Like

  215. tenunindonesia November 14, 2011 at 8:20 am #

    This is fabulous!! Someone who shares my neurosis!! My parents will laugh when they read this… I was just as obsessed with office supplies as a child! I blogged about this post on asherdays.wordpress.com. May you live a life full of blot-free, fabulous pens

    Like

  216. igjepara November 14, 2011 at 8:25 am #

    Had to read it to some friends…….they all loved it. Hope some of them will start following your blog

    Like

  217. arief3000 November 14, 2011 at 8:29 am #

    I loved it – I just kept reading on and on! Well done you are an amazing writer!

    Like

  218. Arthur Dent November 14, 2011 at 8:36 am #

    Hilarious!

    Like

  219. sshlau November 14, 2011 at 8:41 am #

    This reminds me to steal…ahem..I mean…borrow…some pens at my work place before I leave the place for good. (Must find way to take whole cabinet…) Glad to know that there’s someone out there with much love for pens as much as me. So now, when people around me ask, “Who? Who in this world has as many pens as you do?!”, I can show them your post! Thanks for sharing!

    Like

  220. mustachemiss November 14, 2011 at 9:12 am #

    Ha, cracks me up! So happy I’m not alone in loving to steal pens!

    Like

  221. Hershey November 14, 2011 at 10:45 am #

    I have to say that I probably laughed from the first line until the last. This was extremely hi-freakin-larious!!!!! Honestly I have a thing for pens also. I love a good writing instrument, and just like you I also prefer handwriting over typing from time to time. Disclaimer though, I do not steal pens, but I do collect them.

    Check out my blog at http://simplystudded.com/category/food/.

    Like

  222. nipun November 14, 2011 at 10:50 am #

    ohh, this is so

    Like

  223. jr3bees November 14, 2011 at 10:55 am #

    I steal pens too. I’m addicted to them. I’m also bipolar. When I’m manic, I don’t go to a casino or bar, I go to Staples or Office Depot, and spend way too much money on pens and empty notebooks. Someone mentioned empty notebooks. I’m insane, I’m sure. I also have the “freak bump” on my middle finger from writing so much. Its crazy.

    Like

  224. booksnob November 14, 2011 at 11:23 am #

    I still have callouses on the fingers of my right hand from a job I had three years ago where I had to write out the daily distribution sheets BY HAND. My boss loved me because I refused to write with anything other than an ultra-fine tip *black* pen (I hate the way my handwriting looks in blue).

    I heart the gel pens, but they run out of ink too quickly. I still commandeer pens, even if I know I’ll never use them because they’re (rw) medium point.

    Like

  225. slowlikesweethoney November 14, 2011 at 11:56 am #

    I do this too….felt good to know that there was someone else out there like me.

    Like

  226. A Lost Generation November 14, 2011 at 12:36 pm #

    Yeah I actually have always had this thing when i go to high society christmas parties of always stealing christmas ornaments…they really don’t have a chance to last on the tree especially the ones made of crystal with a twin…

    Like

  227. richannkur November 14, 2011 at 12:44 pm #

    nice…

    Like

  228. Malcolm Newell November 14, 2011 at 12:58 pm #

    I found a Parker ball point in an alley way when I was about 17, apart from the clip being broken it was fine. I’ve used it on an off for years. Last week it ran out! That means I’m going to have to go out and buy a refill, I’ve only had it 34 years!
    Great Post, funny, but so so true.

    Like

  229. hopelesslyambitiousv November 14, 2011 at 1:08 pm #

    This has to be the loveliest piece of writing yet !
    every now & then I find myself feeling the same exact way, only my moral
    compass is way to high to ever go through with swiping really awesome pens.
    But I have definitely thought about it !!

    -V

    Like

  230. halfwaybetweenthegutter November 14, 2011 at 2:06 pm #

    I’m gobsmacked that so many others share my love for pens, and also indulge in the habit of pen-swiping. One of the reasons why I fell for my boyfriend is down to his adoration of fine-line drawing pens; I reasoned that no man with a love for stationary can be a bad guy.

    It’s all about black ink, for me. I prefer the feel of a gel or real ink pen, but I struggle with admitting that my handwriting is much better when using a cheap biro.

    Like

  231. Anonymous November 14, 2011 at 2:43 pm #

    I once confessed, in a Facebook post, that I like to spend my time wandering around in stationary shops. The derision and, frankly, abuse I received was more surprising than upsetting.

    It’s a nice thing to discover that I am not alone and I am inspired to make this my next blog.

    Like

  232. connecting2you November 14, 2011 at 3:59 pm #

    Wow!!! I never knew so many shared my feelings…..I feel somehow lighter.
    I don’t steal but stationery stores are like Christmas morning for me. I love the smell; I can spend all day roaming the aisles. I too have a collection of pens, although much smaller than yours.I check the feel and texture and have to have all the colors available in each brand “just in case” I need them. I fell in love the day I tried my first Sharpie Pen. It is perfection.

    Like

  233. Cherie November 14, 2011 at 4:52 pm #

    I can’t say that it is a problem I suffer with — I am too scared to keep a pen in my bag for fear of it leaking…but this certainly made me laugh! Thanks…

    Like

  234. Joe November 14, 2011 at 5:31 pm #

    Absolutely hilarious! Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!

    I am much the same. If I see a pen in a vulnerable state, I stalk it, then capture it.

    My wife and children *know* not to even glance at my pens, let alone use them, as I am very particular about my pens as well. In fact, I tote my two favorite pens with me everywhere I go and if for some unknown reason I misplace them, I often feel that awkwardness you feel after you wake up from a dream where you’re standing in your underwear in your 5th grade classroom.

    Like

  235. ingemm November 14, 2011 at 6:09 pm #

    Dear Pen Clepto,

    Your ink issues are only the tip of the iceberg… Opening an office stationary closet, feels like chocolate to me. Walking through a stationary store makes angels sing in my head. I love ALL stationary, but do not have the guts to nick ehm. I do steal them in my head… does this count?

    Yours sincerely,
    Petty Stationary Thief Ctrl V

    Like

  236. Susan / @WhyMommy November 14, 2011 at 6:26 pm #

    Mama loves a good pen.

    I don’t steal them, but if I find myself at a conference with particularly nice pens as giveaways, I will happen past that booth to pick one up. Twice. And then maybe one more time over lunch hour.

    A good pen is an inspiring instrument indeed!

    Like

  237. cuetoon November 14, 2011 at 6:38 pm #

    I really like pen tools

    Like

  238. Deanna November 14, 2011 at 7:12 pm #

    haha I can relate – sort of. I have had a love of all things stationary for as long as I can remember. I felt like a freak and kept this love to myself. The good news is, I found another stationary freak in my husband! Yay! Though I don’t make it a habit of stealing anyone else’s precious stationary, that’s where you and I differ. haha

    Like

  239. latebloomerbuds November 14, 2011 at 7:32 pm #

    This is great! I am a pen, marker, office supply junkie too! Write and snatch away, Margie

    Like

    • alja0214 November 14, 2011 at 7:53 pm #

      Haha! I am a pen, pencil and sharpie junkie myself. I must admit that paper also falls into my addiction. I too still like to write by hand and find that if I don’t have the perfect pen in my hand to fit my mood or my paper, I go bonkers, hence the reason I walk around with at least three different pens at all time. Crazy, I know.

      Like

  240. Joe Kenyon November 14, 2011 at 7:47 pm #

    Is it weird that I feel extremely accomplished when I use all the ink in a pen? I’ll write more just to use up that last little bit.

    Like

  241. rastelly November 14, 2011 at 8:46 pm #

    My vice is close pens. It started when I just
    coulden’t get enough of them. I would open
    a bag of chips, crackers, are modeling clay –
    (not that I eat modeling clay) and there would
    never be a means of conveniently closing it.
    To remedy the situation I made a habit of
    snatching anything that could be made to
    function as a close pen – from large
    paperclips to hair orniments to
    industrial
    strength wood clamps.

    Like

  242. Nihal November 14, 2011 at 8:51 pm #

    It was awesome….i men never thought that i would be writing on pens but…it was just awesome…

    Like

  243. PCC Advantage November 14, 2011 at 9:04 pm #

    I can honestly say that I understand where you’re coming from…I’ve been known to borrow (on a long-term basis, of course) pens from school mates, colleagues, friends quite often. The worst part is that, I have no problems “borrowing” their pens, but as soon as they borrow mine, if even for a moment, I get all pen-Nazi-ish on them and demand that they return it the moment that they stop writing with it.

    Ridiculous.

    Awesome post! 😉

    Like

  244. Copenhagenish November 14, 2011 at 9:15 pm #

    I’ve always suspected that the people of the world could be divided into two general categories: Those who steal pens, and those who get their pens stolen from them.
    You steal. I’m the steal-ee. Just so you know: Your category of people have cost me much frustation and frantic patting on pockets. Shame on you. Grr.

    Like

  245. oakritchie November 14, 2011 at 9:22 pm #

    Hmmmm…I didn’t realize how indiscriminate my own taste in writing utensils was…note to self!

    Now, if one believed in karmic consequences, how would you view your vice potentially coming back to bite you?

    Like

    • April Trice November 14, 2011 at 9:24 pm #

      My karmic consequence? Never being published.

      Like

  246. kyleericson November 14, 2011 at 9:23 pm #

    Great blog check out mine at http://kyleericson.wordpress.com/

    Like

  247. Evil Bekka November 14, 2011 at 9:25 pm #

    LOVE THIS. I compulsively buy (and Hoard) pens, notebooks, pencils… and…. SHARPIES, but I don’t steal them because I am excessively paranoid about people borrowing my pens and not returning them and don’t want to invite a karmic smiting. If I loan one to somebody, I watch them and snatch it back as politely as I can the instant they’re finished. It was a special kind of hell at my last office job, working with chronic absent-minded pen-snatchers — if a pen went missing I would frantically retrace my (and everyone else’s) steps until I found the culprit, work be damned.
    And I knew my husband really loved me the day he gave me a fine-tip metallic gel pen with Archival Ink instead of flowers.
    Keep writing! Just don’t steal MY pens, or I’ll do something to you… something bad.

    Like

  248. Jacob C. Howard November 14, 2011 at 10:27 pm #

    I steal ink pens for a completely different reason…I had some pens made to promote my blog and when I go to restaurants I steal their pen and replace it with my own! Oh and by the way my pens are totally klepto-worthy; they write so smoothly and have a fine fit in the hand. That Cricket would be doubly proud of you for stealing a pen from me, plus, you wouldnt have to try very hard!

    Like

  249. justjacq November 14, 2011 at 10:34 pm #

    This is awesome. I was actually in the middle of writing a post about how I steal things from hotel rooms. I travel for work so I’m in a hotel a few days every other week. My favorite thing to steal? The trash bags. I can’t wait to post my theft-compulsion piece!

    Like

  250. MB November 14, 2011 at 10:44 pm #

    hahahah EXCELLENT post!

    I too, am a supply room diva, and i prefer the G2 pens that write BOLD.

    I draw the line @ stealing pens from my psychiatrist office.

    Like

  251. Seanyboy XD November 14, 2011 at 11:06 pm #

    I love your post it’s awesome!

    Like

  252. Anonymous November 14, 2011 at 11:52 pm #

    I, an ink pen stealer, am fierce when it comes to guarding my own pens. I have two kinds and I use them for two very different things. My G2 pen, is for making notes, dark, bold, dramatic statements that don’t have to be as neat as with my Zebra BP pen, which i do most of my writing in. Since I’ve aquired these two pens, my theiving has lessened, find yourself the coolest pen you’ve ever found!

    Like

  253. JamieCurtisBaker November 15, 2011 at 2:05 am #

    If you work in an office and DON’T steal pens you are a weird individual.

    Like

  254. Rosie Scribblah November 15, 2011 at 3:40 am #

    mmmmmmm pens – try a Faber Castell Pitt drawing pen in black of course. Them’s my favourites 😉

    Like

  255. Allison G. Martin November 15, 2011 at 6:07 am #

    I have never stolen pens because I’m far too picky about them. But… let’s just say it’s a good thing my office doesn’t have an excess of Sharpie fine points lying around for sticky fingers to pick up. 🙂 Loved this post!

    Like

  256. flyhightech November 15, 2011 at 6:07 am #

    Lol this article would be funny if I didnt get the feeling like you really DO steal pens.

    Like

  257. Oh God, My Wife Is German November 15, 2011 at 6:15 am #

    HAW! Great post!

    Subscribing to your blog now!

    Like

  258. happyhearthorizon November 15, 2011 at 8:59 am #

    OH MY GOODNESS! Where have you been my entire life? I feel like you are my long-lost sister! I too have a bump on my middle finger, still write out ALL my papers in INK, not just any ink, but the Sharpie pens, fine-tip, no bleed-through kind! I have 20 pens too, but different colors, it makes taking notes in college fun and organized!
    Keep up being yourself! There are very few women like us in the world… remember, someone HAS to keep the world in balance! Why not us!? 😀

    Like

  259. Darcy Isla November 15, 2011 at 8:52 pm #

    Relate whole-heartedly to this… There are very few things that feel acceptable to thieve, and pens are definitely my favourite. I could fill several pencil tins with my collection. As I only have one, they spill out into old laundry tab boxes, wicker baskets and Pringle pots, among other decanters.

    Like

  260. deidreswain November 15, 2011 at 10:10 pm #

    Very funny.. and I’ve never thought of taking them because I’m the person who has to buy a new pen everytime I pass the office supply aisle in the store.. I acutally chase after people if they forge to give me my pen back!! I gues if I just start taking them I’ll feel better if I lose them!!

    Like

  261. livingalifeworthliving November 16, 2011 at 1:13 am #

    Very interesting story. I reminds me on how little things can bring joy, including pens.

    Like

  262. amy@smalltowntelevision November 16, 2011 at 2:58 am #

    Very funny – my husband has a thing for ink pens too – I can relate!

    Like

  263. Seraphina November 16, 2011 at 10:50 am #

    oh gawd!! You are one of the people I watch like a hawk whenever they want to “borrow” my pen!! Or, rather, I tell you no and demand that you step away from my desk. I am so very particular about my writing utensils and I too go into paroxysms of bliss with office supplies. And yet…my supplies are the ones that consistently go missing. I turn into the Pen Troll stomping around tracking down the miscreant who took my Precious! Most people in my life now know not to get between me and my office supplies. BUT! If it happens again, I’ll know to check with you first. 😉

    Like

  264. The Sandwich Lady November 17, 2011 at 9:23 pm #

    My household pens all seem to disappear. I thought that perhaps there was some alternate dimension with lost pens swirling around like windblown leaves. Now I realize it was you!

    Like

  265. vent2u November 18, 2011 at 2:20 am #

    Whimsical is correct. That is why you had so many marvelous responses, because the subject touches the senses and takes us back to a time when pencils and especially INK pens were great things to own, had a specialty attached and we were all attracted to them, which is why most public places, like libraries, banks, hospital lobbies, all created the metal string bubble lock-clasp. If we we had a dime for every time someone walked off with a shiny slim new ink pen, we might have a huge chunk of “cha-ching” in our accounts. I vividly remember formal viable cursive writing classes in school. It was quite an undertaking. Special fountain pens, modernized one that were similar to the ones the founding fathers used to signature the Constitution. Slowly drawing the capital letters in cursive and finding out it was an art …like drawing the formal capital letters of “G” and “S” and “Z”. Then came the wonderful roller ball pens and what was better than that? Gel ink. And 00.5 ink pen that wrote better than a fresh sharpened pencil.

    The different colors, styles all perk us up and provide a smile… it was something we all secretly loved collecting. Like marbles, or trains, or valentine cards. It just the best collectible around. Thanks for the elementary-grade school memories.

    Like

  266. t November 18, 2011 at 6:40 pm #

    i’m surprised the therapist didn’t give the receptionist a heads-up of sorts!

    Great post =)

    Like

  267. Mackenzie | Red Roan Chronicles November 19, 2011 at 2:08 pm #

    I can’t claim to have ever been a pen *thief*, but I do spend hours in the office supply store the way other women can spend hours in the shoe store. I like to think of it as a charming personality trait rather than the clear sign of psychosis that it is. Awesome post, I kind of love you right now…

    Like

  268. Kate November 19, 2011 at 9:00 pm #

    I had a job once where a coworker said, “I need to talk to you” and whipped open my supply cabinet to show me the hoard of supplies. The job was to educate about recycling, reuse and using less. When it was time to leave, my supervisor said “I need you to do one more thing.” I thought it was going to be write down all of the secrets of my success. She asked me to go through all of the markers and throw away the ones that don’t work.

    You post though, makes me feel, sniff, validated. Thanks.

    Like

  269. Life with hiccups November 21, 2011 at 2:00 am #

    Fun post. I’m obsessed with pens too. But I buy mine 😉 lol. Bic Profile is my favorite! But I like medium point, not fine. I rip the paper with fine tip. Love Sharpies!!! Looking forward to reading more of your posts.

    Like

    • N November 24, 2011 at 12:04 am #

      @Life with hiccups.

      Do tell about the Bic Profile? It looks so sexy from its picture on Amazon. And it is a bold point pen. Oh, the bold point pen. Love bold points. Drooling on my keyboard now. Have you tried the Maxum bold point pen? I love those too and they come in 8 different colors. Last year, Staples had a sale on them for $2 a pack when they normally go for $5. Let’s just say I stacked up on those puppies.

      Like

  270. scream911 November 23, 2011 at 12:54 pm #

    I have a different problem – others steal MY pens! Maybe you? I’m constantly scrounging for pens that were there just minutes ago. Sigh. As a writer, this is frustrating. Please give them back – you could even send your cricket to deliver them.

    Like

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