Sometimes I have bad days. And there are other times when I have REALLY bad days. I had one of the latter a couple of weeks ago. I’ve actually been sword fighting with “The Sadness” for the past few months and I’m just now beginning to feel like I’m on the up-swing.
Anyway…..back to my REALLY bad day. When things get this bad, I lock myself in my work room. Sometimes it’s just for an hour. Sometimes it’s for days. I figure it’s not fair to subject everyone within a 3 mile radius to my meanness. I’ve always been blatantly honest with Cali about these times. Sometimes I feel like I suck boiled eggs because I can’t be one of those moms who can whip out their teet on the cover of Time magazine. (Totally different post). But I figure it’s better to be transparent and teach the kid some coping skills of her own in the process.
Sometimes though, she doesn’t quite understand. One of the coping skills I’ve managed to successfully pass on to her is the ability to express herself through art. Especially when her emotions are in a hot mangled mess. So while I was curled up in a ball on the floor, cursing my tainted brain, a note was gently pushed under my door.
I looked at it for about 5 minutes, trying to figure it out. Finally I called out to her, “What am I supposed to do here?”
And SHE said:
“Do you want to be in a happy world or a sad world? You make the choice…check yes or no.”
Really? I circled “Yes” and replied, “Baby, of course I want to be in a happy world. Sometimes it’s not that simple.”
But maybe it is. Maybe it IS as easy as making the choice to snap out of it. Or at least to try. So I slid the note back under the door and got up off the floor. Later that night she asked, “What do you do in there when the door is locked?’
I told her I make gnomes. I cannot tell a lie.
What a smart kid! Sounds like you are doing a great job with her, even when you want to check ‘no’.
I had no idea you were feeling that bad. Locking yourself away in a room like is the worst thing you can do. You should go and see someone, for your own sake and for Cali’s.
Strange as it may sound I know plenty of women who have found blogging about their mental health issues to be helpful and therapeutic.
That drawing is great. Get well soon.
Sweetie, I regularly see someone and am one of the largest mental health advocates in the south. Regardless of how well you’re doing, bipolar is always there and there are times when you just have to roll with the punches.
Good for you April. I hope everything works out for you.
thank you for sharing this April…
call me sometime when you are making gnomes if you need some conversation from someone who can relate
I’m sure you’re aware, but you know you’re raising a genius, right? That little girl is wise beyond her years, incredibly insightful and with a sense of compassion that Mother Teresa would envy. Just like her Mom. Happy Mother’s Day, chick. You’ve obviously done a beautiful job with Cali. Hug up on her for me, and hug yourself tight, too, k? It always, always gets better, so just hang in there until it does.
This is a gorgeous post. Please remember that no matter how bad the days get, something beautiful always comes out of it. Your gnomes and daughter are glorious evidence of that
And we love you. And I understand. And we’re always here.
Awww…thanks to you, sweet Anna….and everyone else with kind words for the ‘Up With Hope’ props. Me love you back! Long time!